The V-Spot (shhhh Victoria's Secret)

New Pic of Me

2006-06-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

Here I am, in all my "in love" glory :op

In Heat

2006-05-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in a lot of it! Summer has made an early appearance here in Portland, it was 90-something on Monday, 80-something yesterday and going to get close to 90 again today! On the one hand - woooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo! I love the heat, I love summer, I love the sunshine. Why did I move to Oregon you ask? Hell if I know :op But, the summers here are worth all the freakin rain in the winter. Love it!! But, on the other hand, I haven't slept well in the past 2 nights, too hot at night. I bought an air conditioner online at Home Depot, I bet by the time it gets here it'll be back to 60 degrees and raining ;)

It's now been over 8 months that Jon and I have been together - I can't believe it's been that long already, time flies. He's absolutely wonderful, and things are really great. I am lucky to have found a guy that's not only cute but thoughtful, caring, romantic, funny, always fun to be around.... his kids are great, his family is great. I really got lucky, and it was well worth the wait. We'll probably be moving in together in 6 months to a year. I'm working on letting go of that independence of mine, and we'll be ready to give it a go by the end of the year.

I hope all you guys are doing well and having fun!

It Just Won't DIE

2006-05-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

Mullets - what's the deal? They are God-awful and must be stopped. No one should want to purposely look like this........ RIGHT? I just don't understand it when I see some guy walking down the street in his tight jeans from yester-decade, sporting a mullet, and thinking he's got something on Brad Pitt? Please, someone help me understand what goes through these people's minds. I mean, in the 80's, sure I GUESS you could say it was "in style," to some extent, for these people, but give it up already!!!

Intuition

2006-05-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio on the way into work this morning, and there was a very interesting disscussion about intuition - if you listen to yours, and has it ever saved your life, or someone else's life, got you out of a jam, anything significant??

One woman called in, and said her and her husband go to Boston every year for some sort of show, and a few years back they went as they usually did (her husband worked for the airlines and they could fly back free on standby), and they were scheduled to fly back on a Tuesday (I think she said), but something "inside" told her to to leave the day before, Monday. She finally convinced her husband to leave a day early, and they did, and got back fine. The next day, her husband called her from work, woke her out of bed, and told her to turn on the TV. She did, and soon realized to her horror that the plane she and her husband were to have been on that day was the one that flew into the Twin Towers on 9/11. My God, could you imagine? That would freak me out like nothing else. I still tear up every time I even think of 9/11....

Another woman called and said she was on an out of the way, hilly type road, with her infant daughter in the car, and came up on a young girl that had hit a dog in the road and was stopped. This woman stopped to see if the girl was ok, but quickly left, having a terrible feeling that she needed to get out of there right away. She did (the girl was fine), and shortly after, after getting home, heard about a drunk driver that had come barrelling up that road, and hit two cars, one was a car that had stopped in the road to help that same girl she had stopped for, and the other was the girl herself, and all of the people who were hit died at the scene.

Has anything ever happened to you, where you had an intuition or "bad feeling" about something, that ended up helping you or even saving your life? Do you listen to your intuition?

A little piece of good in the world

2006-04-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

Subject: Two Choices

What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line; there isn't one! Read it anyway. My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped, comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this s juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second! base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

******

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

tid bit for the day

2006-04-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hell I haven't been in a writing mood AT ALL lately, don't know why, but so it is :) Here's just a little something my man forwarded to me, thought I'd share it with ya'all :)

I Saw Something That Shocked Me

2006-04-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, shocked the shit out of me, in fact. Well not literally, that would have been hella embarrassing, so thank God just figuratively.

Anyway, the Seattle Mariners played an exhibition game in Portland this past Friday night, against the Padres' AAA team, the Portland Beavers. The forecast was for rain (go figure! Hey it's Portland, it rains ALL THE FREAKING TIME). However, it was nice/sunny all damn day long, so I was hopeful it wouldn't rain. I met Jon after work for dinner and a couple beers, then we walked over to the park (luckily only a few blocks from where I work). By the time we got to our seats (my awesome boss had bought tickets for everyone in the office, and he also had season tickets so I got his seats, only about 9 rows from the field), it started raining. Just misty, but still raining. The seats where everyone else from work was sitting were underneath the overhang, so they weren't getting rained on, so we went and sat with them (of course half the people who had tickets didn't even show up!). The park was entirely sold out, and it made for some difficulty getting around the concourse, and beer/food lines, as this smaller stadium isn't really used to handling that kind of crowd.

I haven't even gotten to the shocking part yet. That happened when I went to the bathroom - there was a HUGE line coming from the men's room, and NO LINE AT ALL coming from the wonmen's room! No matter if you're a guy or girl, I'm sure you can appreciate the shock factor here. And this didn't happen just once. It happened 4 times! Women and men alike were laughing and commenting right along with me, that this just never happened! It was just hilarious, and goddammit I loved it! Was that a fluke, a freak of nature, or has this ever happened before?

*************

I rented two awesome movies this weekend: Capote and Memoirs of a Geisha, both excellent!! Hell, after watching Capote I went straight onto Amazon.com and ordered his book, In Cold Blood. From the passages of it that were read during the movie, it looked incredible, he really writes well, or so it seems ;op I also ordered the Memoirs book, I loved the movie, and my mom said she loved the book, so I figured why not. Hey maybe I'll even get around to finishing the DaVinci Code before the movie comes out in May ;)

WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BASEBALL SEASON IS HERE!!!!

Just no words.....

2006-03-29T08:59:00.000-08:00

Pencil in penis backfires

A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.

Zeljko Tupic, from Belgrade, told doctors he had experienced erectile difficulties in the past.

So as he prepared for a night with his new lover, he decided to insert a thin pencil into his penis.

Tupic had to cut his sex session short when the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance, the daily Kurir reported.

Doctor Aleksandar Milosevic from Belgrade's Zvezdara hospital, who succesfully removed the pencil, said: "At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but x-rays proved the truth.

"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."

Time and Space

2006-03-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

Damn, I didn't realize that it's been over a month since I've "blogged" until I just happened to bring up my blog and saw the last post date. I guess I just haven't had the notion to mess with it lately. I don't know why really, just that it is.

Things are still great with me and my man, it's been 6 months now, and I guess they saying "time flies when you're having fun" is true, because things are really great. He's a wonderful guy and I'm lucky to have found him. We're talking about moving in together at some point, but that's probably 6 months to a year away. After getting my own apartment last July, I've been really enjoying my independence. It's the first time I've had my own place, and I love being in charge of my own life and my own space, and I'm not quite ready to let go of that just yet. Lucky for me, he's very patient and understand and, when we do move in together, I know it'll be wonderful.

The reason I even thought about blogging today was because on my way to work this morning, I stopped into a Starbucks to buy a pound of coffee (Verona, good stuff!). A guy walked into the store right in front of me, and I followed him over to the counter, where one person was already at the register ordering coffee. He got about 6-8 feet away from the counter/register, and just stopped. Stopped! He didn't go and get in line right behind the person already there, which I assume is fookin' normal, is it not? There was literally about a 6 foot gap between him and the person already in line. I wasn't sure if he was looking at something and wasn't quite ready to get IN LINE yet, or what. I stood behind him for oh about 15 seconds, and I finally asked the dude if he was in line - didn't seem like he was, but I didn't want to just walk around him and get in line if he really was in line. Maybe he has one of those personal space issues, I don't know, but when I asked him if he was in fact in line, he looked at me like I had two heads, saying with his eyes but not with his mouth, "Of course I'm in line you idiot, doesn't it LOOK like I'm in line!?"

What the hell is up with that? Was his invisible friend in line with him?

Anyway, that's been my morning so far, enjoy your day!!

Wanna get turned on?

2006-02-15T15:35:00.000-08:00

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******************

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TURN ON has a smooth, very good and different adult pleasing taste with a sparkling mouth feel and foamy carbonation. This is definitely not a soft drink or kids drink.

Turn On Ingredients:

Ingredients: Carbonated Water, Glucose and Sucrose, Citric Acid, Taurine, Guarana, Schizandra, Ginseng, Glucuronalactone, Caffeine, Inositol, Ginkgo Biloba, Niacinamide, Pyridoxine HCL, D-Pantothenol, Vitamins B-12 and B-6, Color.

TURN ON is not suitable for Children, Diabetics and Pregnant Women.

****************

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We are a group of responsible men and women who consider ourselves romantics and decided to make a difference. We are preoccupied with the spirit of idealized lovemaking and dominated by inspiring passionate thoughts, feelings and attitudes suitable for romance in our customers.

We truly believe in the phase “make love, not war.” We were looking for a product that would help bring people together and take their passion to a new level. We want all people to love more... we want to keep everyone “turning on.”

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Warning to Dog Owners About Greenies

2006-02-15T10:24:00.000-08:00

LINK

KANSAS CITY, Missouri (CNN) -- At least 13 dogs have died after being fed the top-selling pet treat in the country, owners and veterinarians have told CNN.

The problem comes because the treats, called Greenies, become lodged in a dog's esophagus or intestine and then some veterinarians say they don't break down.

"I know they are marketed in saying that they do digest. Certainly the ones that we've taken out, esophageal or intestinal, that have been in for days are still very hard," Brendan McKiernan, a board-certified veterinary internal medicine specialist from Denver, Colorado, told CNN. (Watch a vet retrieve a two-day old, undigested Greenie from a dog -- 7:40)

Greenies recommends owners check that the treats are chewed and Joe Roetheli - who launched the brand as a treat that can freshen a dog's breath and clean its teeth - said it was important to pick the correct chew for a particular dog. There are 7 different sizes to choose from depending on the size of the dog.

But most of the dog owners CNN talked to say they did follow package instructions and they still had a problem.

Mike Eastwood and his wife, Jenny Reiff, recently filed a $5 million lawsuit in New York, blaming Greenies for the intestinal blockage that caused the death of their dog Burt.

"I'm mad that their packaging states that the product is 100 percent edible, highly digestible and veterinarian approved, yet our dog died of it," Eastwood told CNN.

S&M NuTec, which manufactures the toothbrush-shaped chew, won't comment on the case but in court papers denied the allegations.

Roetheli said the focus should be on the dental benefits and Greenies are saving dogs' lives by lowering the risk of periodontal disease.

He says feeding Greenies is far safer than putting a dog under anesthesia to clean teeth.

"Dogs really love the product!" he said. "They do a very effective job of cleaning teeth and freshening breath."

Any suggestion that Greenies are defective was rejected by Roetheli, who developed Greenies with his wife, Judy.

"Our product is safe. It is used every day by thousands of dogs, millions a week and it is basically a very safe product."

A CNN investigation uncovered 40 cases since 2003 where a veterinarian had to extract a Greenie from a dog after the treat became lodged either in the animal's esophagus or intestine. In 13 of those cases, the pet died.

One of those was Tyson, Josh Glass and Leah Falls' 8-month-old boxer, who was taken to Brent-Air Animal Hospital in Los Angeles, California, where vet Dr. Kevin Schlanger found the animal had a blocked intestine.

"It was very clear that it was something dense and firm that had caused the obstruction," Schlanger said. He removed a Greenie from the intestine.

McKiernan's says his Denver clinic has seen at least seven cases in the past five years, which he says is an unusually high number. That prompted him to start researching and writing a paper to warn other veterinarians of the problem.

He says his research, which he hopes to get published in a veterinary journal, shows compressed vegetable chew treats, of which Greenies is the most popular, are now the third biggest cause of esophageal obstruction in dogs behind bones and fish hooks.

The federal Food and Drug Administration says it's looking into eight consumer complaints about Greenies but has no formal investigation.

The issue has also been the topic of news reports across the country.

The chews are made of digestible products like wheat gluten and fiber, experts say, but the molding process makes the treat very firm and hard.

Roetheli, who runs S&M NuTec from Kansas City, Missouri, says Greenies do break down when properly chewed and swallowed by a dog.

He told CNN that any product has the potential to cause an obstruction in a dog and that Greenies packaging warns dog owners to monitor their dog to ensure the treat is adequately chewed. "Gulping any item can be harmful or even fatal to a dog," the package says.

The company's Web site addresses the issue in its FAQ section with the question "When giving an animal Greenies, does it affect their digestive system?" The answer "The only time dogs would be unable to digest anything would be if they didn't chew it up before they swallowed it. Canine and Feline Greenies are highly digestible when chewed."

The company says the number of complaints it has received is very low in relation to the vast numbers of treats sold, and CNN spoke with several vets who recommended Greenies.

Introduced in 1998, we found Greenies now selling for about $16 a pound. Last year, 325 million individual treats were sold around the world, nearly three times the sales of its nearest competitor Milk Bone, according to the marketing company Euromonitor International.

"At the end of the day ... literally millions of Greenies are enjoyed by dogs on a weekly basis with absolutely no incidents," company vet Brad Quest told CNN.

Right or Wrong?

2006-02-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

On my way home from work yesterday, I was listening to the radio and one of the hosts was talking about friends of his and his wife's.... a couple, who had recently divorced, with 2 small children, 2 and 3 I think. Since their breakup, they had started dating, and both had significant others. But, they didn't want to hurt their little children by having to tell them and try to explain about their divorce, so they agreed to "pretend" to still be happily married in front of the children - they'd hug, kiss, and basically act as if nothing wrong had ever happened and everything was fine. Of course, their new s.o.'s were a bit "disturbed" by this; hell, I would be too! I think the couple had planned on telling the children when they were older, maybe around 8 or 10, but were going to put on this act until then.

This brings up the topic of "staying together for the kids." Should you? I mean, in a way, sure it's noble, not to put the kids through a divorce, even an amicable one, and just play nice until the kids are grown, and then they can go their separate ways. On the other hand, they're living a lie and lying to their children - is that ok? What kind of effect is that going to have on them, when they do find out the truth? Would it be better for the kids to know that their parents sacrificed their own happiness and stayed together even when they maybe hated each other's guts?

After this story on the radio, there was a flurry of phone calls from people telling the host that these people, his friends, were fuckin' insane and the kids would probably be more screwed up by this charade than actually hearing the truth. What do you think??

The art of rejection

2006-01-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

Rejection Lines By Women - What They Mean

10. I think of you as a brother... You remind me of that banjo player in "Deliverance."

9. There's a silent difference in our ages... I don't want to date my Dad.

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way... You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.

7. My life is too complicated right now... I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys.

6. I've got a boyfriend... I prefer the company of my cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.

5. I don't date men where I work... I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system,' much less the same building.

4. It's not you, it's me... It's you.

3. I'm concentrating on my career... Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.

2. I'm celibate... I've sworn off only the men like you.

1. Let's be friends... I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I sleep with.

***********************

How do you normally give out rejection? Are you an email person, a phone person, an in-person person? I'm one of those people who have a real hard time "telling it like it is," and I usually make a mess of anything I try to do in this department. I just plain suck at telling someone "Hey, I'm just not that into you." (remember girls, this episode of Sex & The City? LMAO) I'm glad I have me a great guy now, so I won't have to worry about that!!

:)

Stress Relief

2006-01-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

Admit it, you thought this was a post about sex, didn't you? ;op

Having A Rough Day?

Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.

The funny thing is that it really works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world,".
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
8. See, you're smiling already.

Dead Woman Walking

2006-01-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

Ok I'm not dead, I've just been AWOL for a while. Sorry I haven't written, or commented on any blogs lately. I guess I was just a little burnt out, needed a break, etc etc etc. We all go through that from time to time, right? I'll try to get over to your blogs soon and comment my little brains out :op

Things are pretty damn good for me right now. My man is awesome, and we're getting along great. He's cute, funny, sweet, thoughtful, caring, hell he even likes sports! If I say I don't feel good, he asks if there's anything I want or need. He doesn't pressure me or push me, he pretty much lets me set the pace of things. I am still liking my "independence" and am not ready to get super-duper serious, but I can see things progressing that way in the next year or so.

I really don't have a whole lot else to add - a lot's happened since the last time I blogged, nothing monumental, but it's too much to summarize :)

Hope everyone has an awesome 2006!!!

With Age Comes ..... Responsibility??

2005-12-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

Goddammit I hate weather people. Every time I say that the next time, I won't believe their evil lies and count on exactly the opposite of what they say. Then I fall for it....... again. Never fails!!

Yesterday (Sunday) was our firm's Christmas party at a local restaurant, started at 5:30 p.m. A few days before we had heard on the news that we were supposed to get some freezing rain Monday....then they changed it a little, saying it might start late Sunday night instead. Well, Sunday around 2 pm it started sleeting, and hard! Then, the sleet turned to snow. It was snowing pretty hard, but they were little flakes. Plus, we'd had 40+ mph winds all weekend long, so for a few hours there, it literally looked like a blizzard.... IN PORTLAND!! This just doesn't happen! Well, very rarely anyway. So, after a couple hours of this I realize that there's no way I'm going to attempt to drive to the party, with the threat of freezing rain coming and it being only about 30 degrees out and no change of warming up.

Well, the party got cancelled, and of course the snow stopped by 5 or 6, but the roads were still pretty bad. All over the news was "wave 2" of the storm, claiming "for sure" that a bad ice storm would follow the snow, beginning in the early morning hours of Monday. They did everything but swear on a stack of bibles... it was really coming!

So, I jump for joy at the sure-thing day off for Monday, woooohoooooo!! Can't beat that!! I haven't had a day off in months - since mid-September I think, when I was on vacation in Philly. I could use one! I figured I'd do what I always did, set my alarm like normal, get up, turn on the news, get the confirmation that the ice was upon us and I could call into work and get back to sleep with no worries. Well, when I woke up and turned on the news, I was disappointly and frustratingly informed that the temp was 35 instead of 31 and it was just raining and everything seemed to be just fine, except for a few slick spots. FUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

Never believe them. Ever. They lie. And, I think they enjoy it.

Happy Ending Haircut??

2005-12-15T07:58:00.000-08:00

There's this new hair salon for men that opened up here in Portland, called HairM. It's for men exclusively, and it's designed to pamper the man. The stylists' stations each have their own TV, with remote, where the man can watch sports, news, whatever he's into (porn I don't know about :op). They give the man a long scalp massage, offer him a beer, and try to make his short stay there as pleasant as humanly possible - for a man to be in a salon.... let's face it, it's probably not a guy's favorite place to be. I wish I'd have thought of this, it's really a great idea!

I made a comment to JP this morning that if the women wore bikinis, they'd attract even more men and get pretty goddamn big tips to boot!! :)

JP sent me some pictures today of a hair salon in Poland, dammit they stole my idea!!!

$.02 please

2005-12-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

Need your opinion on this. As most of you know, I don't have kids, so my opinion may differ from that of parents. We'll see eh? :op

First off, I heard this on the radio, I didn't come up with it myself, just curious how all of you feel.

If you are taking your spouse or significant other out for dinner at a fairly nice restaurant, say 7:30 pm or later, do you think it's ok to have parents with young or young-er children there, running about, disbehaving or being loud, or should they be asked to leave? One of the DJs out here on some stupid station brought up the topic, and a lot of caller-inners said they would not want to deal with screaming, unruly kids (especially someone else's) while out at a nice romantic dinner.

Ok, so I can't think of anything else to say. I just haven't been very inspired to write lately. Well, my office did have a staff meeting yesterday where we talked about a potential matter involving someone with "ballistic diarrhea," if you want I could talk about that at length ;o)

Happy Friday everyone! Go Eagles...! oh fuck, forget it :op

Doctors, Guns & Money

2005-12-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been around much lately - I've been addicted to Ebay, plain and simple. I'm doing as much of my Xmas shopping early and online as possible, and I've been on Ebay 18 hours a freakin day. It's sick, I tell you, sick!!!

Still with J, everything's great! Actually looking forward to the holidays this year, sans shopping. I hope I get a nice Xmas bonus to pay for all this shit ;o)

I leave you with a Friday funny, as I have to get back to Ebay!!!

Guns and Doctors, Some interesting comparisons:

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.
---------------------------------
Now think about this:

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80
million..)

(B) Accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI.
----------------------------------

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than
gun owners.

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Toikey

2005-11-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

Please, uninvent tofurkey, it's just wrong. You don't want turkey? Eat a salad ;) 'Nuff said!

I guess everyone's in the giving thanks mood this week, right? I've never been a terribly traditional person, but I guess I'll jump on this wagon and give you the traditional "I'm thankful for..." post.

I'm thankful that I am in relatively good health
I'm thankful that my parents are still in relatively decent/ok health
I'm thankful that I have a nice roof over my head, heat to keep me warm and food on the table.
I'm thankful for the new man in my life, and hope to spend many more holidays with him.
I'm thankful that I live in a city without humidity in the summer and without snow and/or ice in the winter.
I'm thankful for beer - 'nuff said.
I'm thankful for Scott Stapp, that man is frickin awesome.
I'm thankful that the Eagles managed to win 4 whole games so far this year, considering they seem hell-bent on having the worst season in 7 years.
I'm thankful that the Phillies finally got rid of that maggot Ed Wade - maybe finally we'll have a decent season and make it to the playoffs!
I'm thankful for dogs, well because they just rule (honorable mention to my kitty cat, I love my girl!)
I'm thankful that most of the stupid mistakes I've made in my life haven't come back to bite me in the ass.
I'm thankful that, despite all the craziness in the world today, I can still be hopeful about the future of mankind (most of the time ;o))

Happy Turkey Day everyone, may Dallas get their asses kicked!!

5 second rule applies?

2005-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know..... I work in a law office that does primarily medical malpractice plaintiff's work. We sue doctors and hospitals who screw up.

My boss got an interesting email inquiry this morning.....

A woman and her husband went to a fertility clinic at a local medical facility.... somehow, "in process," the husband's sperm was accidentally dropped on the floor. Bummer! So, after that didn't go so well, the couple left. They then get a phone call from the facility, asking them to come in "for a meeting." They come to learn that the husband's sperm (yeah, the same sperm that fell on the floor) had been accidentally -- implanted, inserted, turkey-basted, whatever you want to call it -- into another unknown woman's body. Fortunately, the woman didn't become pregnant.

So...... how in the fuck did the sperm get from the floor into some strange woman's uterus? Did she happen to be laying on the floor spread eagle with her cooch pointed upward? Makes ya wonder, doesn't it?? :)

Stupid People

2005-11-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

Are they born stupid? Become stupid? Smoke too much pot, do too much crack, what is it that makes them stupid?

I'd be writing a novel the size of Insomnia if I went into all the ways people are stupid, but this is just one example and it drives me nukking futz.

We have this recycling station at our apartment complex, it's inside a garage type thing. In it are different sized receptacles - one big dumpster for garbage; one big mesh-like dumpster for flattened cardboard; several big plastic bins for plastic, newspapers, cans, etc.... and ONE big plastic bin for GLASS. Doesn't seem too complicated now, does it? I didn't think so.

So, every single time I go in there to take my recycling, which is once or twice a week, I go to put my empty beer bottles (thank God that bin is big) in the Glass Only container, only to find, time after time, that some dumb fukks put plastic bottles of all colors, shapes and sizes into this bin. WHY, I ask you!!?? It clearly says Glass Only on the container. It's not like the other bins that are appropriate for plastic are full either, because they're not. I checked. Yes, this is how sick I am, how much this irks me. I can see if one accidentally slips in with the glass, but no.... it is chock full of em!

I don't even know if it's just one person that continually does this over and over, or if there is a renegade group of stupid-ass people that live in the same complex as me. Given the amount of times lately I've seen police cars around, it is probably the latter. Or, could it be that, after stupid person #1 dumps his non-glass items into the glass only container, other not-quite-as-stupid people say to themselves, "hey if you can't beat em, join em!"

I hate stupid people. I really really REALLY do.

Have a nice day! ;o)

1-armed paperhangers eat your hearts out

2005-11-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

Damn work has been so freakin busy that I haven't even had the time to blog lately!! So, in lieu of a real post, this is a little funny somethin that my buddy sent me :op

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Eagle Has Crashed

2005-11-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

First off.... I drank too much last night. If you saw the Eagles game, you'll know why.

This team is killing me, slowly and most definitely surely. After last year's wonderful season, you expect them to, well, not be in LAST FUCKIN' PLACE!! Their offense is horrid, the defense not much better, special teams.... ugh. Yes McNabb's hurt, yes T.O. is acting like a 3 year old who didn't get the toy he wanted, yes various other injuries have plagued Eagles players this year. But Jesus!! Last Place?? We've OWNED the NFC East for the last 5 or so years. Now, we're in last place. This just sucks. Royally sucks. This is the first year since Andy Reid came to Philly that we haven't improved. We've already lost more games than we did all of last season.

I'm so sick of T.O. I'm about to scream. What a whiny fucking asshole!! Yes, the dude can catch, but my God will he EVER shut the fuck up? He's not getting enough attention wah wah wah. We didn't proclaim it National T.O. day, so he "criticized the organization for not publicly recognizing his 100th career touchdown catch." Ya know what? FUCK YOU, FUCKO!! You should APPRECIATE that you are talented and healthy enough to play in the NFL. You should wake up every fucking day and be grateful for your good fortune, not whine like a 3 year old that you don't get enough money or enough attention to make you feel like a success. Fucking asshole. I swear, he can go fuck himself, I'm so done with this jerk. The second I heard he was coming to Philly, yes I was excited, but with reservations. I know how he was in SF and just hoped against hope that he wouldn't pull the same shit. We don't need that kind of attitude on our team. Nothing pisses me off more than to see someone like him, talented and successful, whining becausen they don't have enough fame or enough millions to satisfy their insatiable appetite. Gimme a frickin break.

Ok I'm done ranting now, happy Monday!

Remind me never to.....

2005-11-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

Go grocery shopping, on the way to work, in a frickin flood!!

I figured I'd stop at the store this morning to get "a few things" - which in womanspeak unfortunately means buy the whole goddamn store, even though it was pouring rain, and I mean POURING FUCKING RAIN. There is a small river LITERALLY on the street outside my work. This is the second day in a row of such pouring fucking rain, and I'm about sick of it. In fact, that's what the news should report, that's POURING FUCKING RAIN. Because it is. Hell, the rain actually set off a car alarm in my apartment parking lot this morning!

Ok, back to shopping. I park right right by the entrance, across the street, figure I can run my cart over there with Ichiro-like speed, throw the shit in the back, and be on my way, a little wet but no worse for wear. (Mind you, now that I'm an "official Oregonian" I gave up my umbrella for my hooded raincoat - it's wussy to use an umbrella in this town, trust me I've gotten quite the stare in the past.) So, I get ready to leave the store with my cart full of shit (only went in there for a few things, I swear!)....well, the cart decides to completely lock up in the middle of the fucking street just as the skies opened up even worse than it had been. So, I'm stuck in the middle of the street in the pouring fucking rain with a cart that literally won't move an inch. I had to literally pick up the cart full of shit, about a foot at a time, and get it to the side of the road, so I could finally load up the van. By this time, my jeans were just about soaked through, I am standing in about 3 inches of water and my hood keeps blowing off b/c of the wind.

So, I'm at work, drying to dry off, and cursing the food I just bought with every 4-letter word I can think of, and a few more I made up along the way.

Then I feel totally guilty, b/c J works outdoors, so he's got to deal with this pouring fucking rain all fucking day.

Happy Tuesday everyone, hope it's a little drier where you are :)

Happy Days are Here Again!!!

2005-10-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

This ain't Scooter, but hey it's damn good news for me!!

Forget apples; a beer a day may keep cancer away

CORVALLIS, Ore. - A compound found only in hops and the main product they are used in - beer - has rapidly gained interest as a micronutrient that might help prevent many types of cancer.

Researchers at Oregon State University first discovered the cancer-related properties of this flavonoid compound called xanthohumol about 10 years ago. A recent publication by an OSU researcher in the journal Phytochemistry outlines the range of findings made since then. And many other scientists in programs around the world are also beginning to look at the value of these hops flavonoids for everything from preventing prostate or colon cancer to hormone replacement therapy for women.

"Xanthohumol is one of the more significant compounds for cancer chemoprevention that we have studied," said Fred Stevens, a researcher with OSU's Linus Pauling Institute and an assistant professor of medicinal chemistry in the College of Pharmacy. "The published literature and research on its properties are just exploding at this point, and there's a great deal of interest."

Quite a bit is now known about the biological mechanism of action of this compound and the ways it may help prevent cancer or have other metabolic value. But even before most of those studies have been completed, efforts are under way to isolate and market it as a food supplement. A "health beer" with enhanced levels of the compound is already being developed.

"We can't say that drinking beer will help prevent cancer," Stevens said. "Most beer has low levels of this compound, and its absorption in the body is also limited. But if ways can be developed to significantly increase the levels of xanthohumol or use it as a nutritional supplement - that might be different. It clearly has some interesting cancer chemopreventive properties, and the only way people are getting any of it right now is through beer consumption."

Xanthohumol was actually first discovered in 1913, isolated as a yellow substance found in hops. Researchers started studying its molecular structure in the 1950s, but for decades the only people who showed any real interest in it were brewers, who were trying to learn more about how hops help impart flavor to beer.

In the 1990s, researchers at OSU, including Stevens and toxicologist Don Buhler, began to look at the compound from another perspective - its anti-cancer properties. It showed toxicity to human breast, colon and ovarian cancer cells, and most recently has shown some activity against prostate cancer in OSU studies.

Xanthohumol appears to have several mechanisms of action that relate to its cancer preventive properties, scientists say. It, and other related flavonoid compounds found in hops, inhibit a family of enzymes, commonly called cytochromes P450 that can activate the cancer process. It also induces activity in a "quinone reductase" process that helps the body detoxify carcinogens. And it inhibits tumor growth at an early stage.

In recent years, it has also been shown that some prenylflavonoids found in hops are potent phytoestrogens, and could ultimately have value in prevention or treatment of post-menopausal "hot flashes" and osteoporosis - but no proper clinical trials have been done to study this.

Information about these compounds appears to be spreading. Hop-containing herbal preparations are already being marketed for breast enlargement in women, the OSU research report said, without waiting for tests to verify their safety or efficacy. And a supposed "health" beer is being developed in Germany with higher levels of xanthohumol.

It's possible, scientists say, that hops might be produced or genetically engineered to have higher levels of xanthohumol, specifically to take advantage of its anti-cancer properties. Some beers already have higher levels of these compounds than others. The lager and pilsner beers commonly sold in domestic U.S. brews have fairly low levels of these compounds, but some porter, stout and ale brews have much higher levels.

Ideally, researchers say, cancer chemoprevention is targeted at the early stages of cancer development and prevented by long-term exposure to non-toxic nutrients, food supplements or drugs that prevent the formation of cancers. With its broad spectrum activity, presence in food products, and ability to inhibit cancer at low concentrations, xanthohumol might be a good candidate for that list, experts say.

Xanthohumol also appears to have a role as a fairly powerful antioxidant - even more than vitamin E. And it has shown the ability to reduce the oxidation of LDL, or bad cholesterol.

***********************************
Have a Happy Friday everyone!!

I've had some stomach bug thing all week - first couple days I was nauseous and achy, the next couple I had horrible stomach cramps - I mean, WTF!!!?

Today I finally feel back to normal, hopefully it'll stay that way! J and I are goin to a hockey game tonight then a halloween party tomorrow night and then somewhere to watch the Eagles game on Sunday. There's lotsa beer to be drunk, I've only had one beer since last Sunday!! ;)

Spookies

2005-10-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Halloween.....

What scares you?? For me... cockroaches. They scare the ever-lovin shit out of me. Ghost stories - good ones, mind you. I love them, but if afterwards I'm left in a dark place all alone... hell yeah my mind will start playing tricks on me.

What are your favorite scary movies?
I love scary movies, I think I've seen just about every one ever made. One of the first ones I ever saw was The Exorcist - I don't remember how old I was, but it was probably 8 or 10.... I remember that movie scaring me to pieces. Even the first Friday the 13th was scary, in its day. The first Nightmare on Elm Street was certainly scary. The Amityville Horror was definitely scary. I'm trying to think of more, but I can't think of any right now. I want to hear yours??

This is what I'm being for Halloween this year...

Blow me!

2005-10-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

So as I'm getting ready for work this morning, I have the TV on in the other room so I can hear the news. All of a sudden, it sounds like Hurricane Wilma done landed in the middle of my living room! They have this reporter on Fox News, Trace something or other, on location in one of the cities in Florida battling the bazillionth hurricane this year. With all the noise going on, well hell I have to look and see what the hell is going on here! They have this dude on air, asking him intellectual queestions like, "Well, Trace, just how does it feel out there?" Through various satellite breaks (as you'd imagine would happen in a hurricane, but hey), he screams into his waterlogged microphone as he holds on for dear life to a metal trash receptable that must have been frigging bolted to the ground, because the guy was using every ounce of energy to hold on and not blow away, that "Well, it's pretty darn windy out here!" No shit sherlock!! We get the picture here!

I hope he makes a helluva lot of money, because I find it completely humorous that the news channels make these poor schlepps try to hold on in 100+ winds in a frickin hurricane, just so we viewers can watch and proceed to take bets on how long he can hold on. It's mildly entertaining, mind you, but fuck that poor guy is about to die and they're making him stick around for another live interview in 10 minutes! I mean, is it really necessary for us to see "just how bad it is" by making this poor guy try to stand up in a hurricane? It just totally makes me wonder just how bad our society and tv media craves stuff like this. If there's a tornado barreling through some poor town in the middle of Nebraska, well hell let's send a reporter out there to stand in the middle of it and tell us how it feels! Only in America :o)

****************

Had a great weekeend - -Saturday I spent solo, just running around, got my nails done, did a little shopping, and sat home and watched the baseball game and then the movie Fever Pitch, which was cute. J had his kids, and it was nice to just have a day to kick back and relax. Yesterday, I got up early to watch the Eagles game; another nail-biter, I swear this team is going to cause me to have a serious "cardiac event." First they're losing, then they're winning, losing, winning, losing and then finally winning. I just can't take it!! :) Plus, Dallas lost with a minute or two left, and that was just another bit of good news ;)

J and his kids and I met up at Old Chicago for dinner before the hockey game, and then off to the 5 pm game. We had a lot of fun, his kids are a lot of fun to hang out with and it was a great time.

Of course I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like total poo - don't know if I ate something bad or what, but I felt awful - nauseous, just plain sick. I'm at work now and still feel kinda shitty, but a little better. Just didn't get as much sleep as I'd have liked, and it's still semi-dark and gloomy out.

Shit, did I mention it was like 73 and sunny Saturday?? How fucking nice it was to have a day like that. Just one more - sheer heaven on earth. I hate winter, I really do. It's dark all the time, rainy all the time here, just not much to do. Oh well, at least now I'll have someone to pass the time with ;)

HAPPY MONDAY ALL!!

Stinky Situation....

2005-10-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

Has this ever happened to you???

You're out at a bar or restaurant, or at the gym, or anywhere..... and you go into the restroom to pee (in guyspeak, take a leak or take a piss). You walk in, and it smells like something died a long horrible death in there. You gag, but hey you gotta go so you suck it up (well not literally) and try to get done as quick as you can. You're done, you flush, and right then someone else (or worse, a group of people) walk in and smell the same god-awful smell (you, by now, have unfortunately started to get used to it, which is sickening in and of itself)... and you get this look..... like you're the one that caused the smell!!!!

Those fuckers, they should be slapped.

:op

These are the days.....

2005-10-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

Damn I guess I haven't written anything in a while! With work, and the new guy in my life, not to mention baseball playoffs and getting back to the gym, I guess I haven't taken the time to blog :o)

This past Saturday J and his kids came over around 4 pm - this was the first time I met them, and I was nervous as hell, mostly just because I wanted them to like me. We went out to Old Chicago for pizza and then on to the hockey game. We all had a really good time. It was raining a bit, and we had to park about 50 miles (ok well not really but you get the idea) away from the Coliseum, but once we got in and sat down, all was well. The kids loved it, and we had a great time just watching them and laughing at all the goofy stuff they did. The game even turned out to be really exciting, the Hawks were down by 2 goals and playing like shit, then all of a sudden they came back quick to tie the game, went into OT, and they scored another goal to win. Gotta love it!! Afterwards they came over my place for another hour or so and we all hung out, played with the cat, etc. It was a great time.

Sunday I decided to just stay in and watch the various baseball and football games that were on TV, including the Eagles v. Cowboys. I figured this would be a no brainer, even in Dallas, the Eagles would kick major ass, go home winners, and put another notch in their belt. Well, no such luck. They played BAD. I don't even mean bad, I mean FUCKING HORRENDOUS is more like it. Embarrassing even. The Cowboys destroyed them with really not all that much effort. Goddamit!!! Well, they have a bye this week so hopefully they can get their shit together and come back strong against the Chargers. God, I hope so. McNabb's starting to look a little worse for wear, I don't know if he's gonna be able to hold on all season.

The leaves are starting to turn, the weather's getting grey and rainy, I guess fall is upon us and winter is just around the corner. That so sucks - I really don't like winter at all. Go to work in the dark, go home in the dark, always freaking dark. Even on the weekends it's dark b/c it's raining, every single day. Oh well, at least now I'll have something to occupy my time until spring ;)

Hope you all are doing great!!

Weekend of Epic Proportions

2005-10-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

Well.... tomorrow I meet his kids. We're all going to the WinterHawks hockey game on Saturday night.

I hadn't brought up meeting his kids at all, I was going to let him do that, because I felt it was totally his call and he'd bring it up if and when he was ready. Well, he did the other night. He asked if I'd be interested in meeting them, and I said, of course! I'm excited, but also nervous as hell. As anyone would expect, his kids are the most important thing in the world to him, so I'm just hoping they like me :) Hey, what's not to like right? :op I get a little shy sometimes and I'm not one that's always been used to being around kids all the time, so I just hope I don't say or do something stupid. He's told me all about them and they seem like great kids. So, hopefully Saturday night will be a very fun time for all of us. To me, this is a big step, meeting the kids. But it's cool! He's been really great, he says things like "I'm so lucky I met you," and always asks me what I want to do or waht I want to eat or what movie I want to watch.... just very thoughtful.

On another note, this weekend is the big Eagles v. Dallas game. I'm psyched!!! I am so ready to see my injured but fired up team kick some Cowboy ass. E - A - G - L - E - S!!! I just can't believe that The Redskins & Giants are ahead of us in the standings. Well, not for much longer anyway ;)

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO FRIDAY!! Have a great weekend everyone!!

Manic Monday

2005-10-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

So on Friday afternoon I left work early to deposit some checks into my office's trust account for a settlement that we just got finished with. Over $100,000. I put the receipt in my wallet for safe keeping, until I got into the office on Monday morning. When I woke up this morning, a panic struck me, wondering where that receipt was, as I had completely forgotten about it all weekend long. I ransacked my wallet and couldn't find it. So, well, I panicked a little more. Ok a LOT more. I remembered that yesterday afternoon, while trying to distract myself from what I was sure was going to be an Eagles' loss, I had cleaned out my wallet of about 25 receipts for food, gas, beer, the usual shit. I thought maybe I had lumped it in mistakingly with those other receipts, and went to the closet to my "receipt box" to check. Nothing. FUUUUUUUCK! I did NOT want to show up Monday without that receipt. I decided to just calm down, get ready, and look again when I was done. I tried to catch my breath and jumped in the shower. By the time I had my first cup of coffee, was all ready for work, I decided to look again one more time through my wallet. There it was, just sitting in there, smirking at me. Little fucker! I actually yelled at it. Yes, that's what my Monday morning was like :)

I had a great weekend! Saw J on Friday night - a little later than I was planning on, because the Yanks/Sox game was on, and I wanted to catch a little of it before going over to his place. It was POURING RAIN all damn day, and I was happy to have someone nice and warm to cuddle up with ;)

Saturday I helped him move into his new place in the afternoon, then we went out for some dinner and to the Portland Winter Hawks hockey game at the Rose Garden (an arena, not an actual garden LOL). It was awesome!! It was the first hockey game I've been to since, literally, the late 80's when I saw the Flyers a few times. Loved it! We had a great time. We ran into a few guys he works with, and they were hysterical. The game was over pretty early, about 9:30, so we decided to go out and have a couple beers somewhere. He just moved to Vancouver, so we headed out that way to a bar, they had a live band, so we just hung out and watched all the old drunk people try and dance, always a riot :) We actually ended up staying and closing the place at 2 am, and I got home around 3 I guess. Yes, I am now the party animal!! lol

So my cat apparently missed me, and insisted I wake up Sunday morning at about 8:00 am, so I had 5 hours sleep - not exactly what I was hoping for. I had a big day after all! J was working (OT), so I had the Phillies game on at 10, then the Astros game (playoff/wildcard important game), then the Yankees/Sox game at 11, the Patriots/Chargers game at 10, then the Eagles game at 1. I wasn't feeling my absolute best, from the beer the night before and from the lack of a lot of sleep, so I just laid around and watched sports all day long. J came over later, around 7, and we hung out for a couple hours. All in all, a great weekend! The Eagles game nearly killed me though, I swear my poor heart isn't going to survive this season. It's weird, the more hurt Donovan gets, the better he seems to play. Well, the second half anyway, the first half was a disgrace. But, hey a win's a win!!

TGIF!!

2005-09-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, how the hell are ya!!? Work's been so damn busy I haven't had a chance to really visit many blogs or even write anything for that matter, but hopefully things will calm down soon.

Feels like I never went away on vacation! The girl in my office who went to Japan for THREE WEEKS has come back, so hopefully everything will go back to normal around here. I swear, that woman has a knack for taking off any day that I want. I was looking to take a day off around my birthday, which is on a Sunday next year. I went to put my name on the vacation calendar for the Friday before, but, alas, there her name is. WTF!? So, I guess I'll have to settle for Monday, after all she's only had 2 months off this year, not nearly enough! :op

Things with "J" and I are great! I've only known him about 3 weeks now, but it's one of those things where I feel like I've known him longer. We're talking about doing things months away, so I have a feeling this may just work out - we'll see! It's weird though, it's been so long since I've had a serious relationship that it'll take a little getting used to, as I was used to living "the single life." You just kind of get used to being on your own, and I just got my own apartment a couple months ago, so a lot's changing all at once. But, it's a good thing; I'm really excited about it.

So, all in all, things are great!! I just talked with JP, who's in California for a tournament, and he said he was staying at the same hotel as the Dallas Cowboys, who are in town for a game with Oakland on Sunday. I'm sure he's in his glory. I offered him money to yell out "Dallas Sucks!" when Bledsoe walked by, but for some reason he wouldn't go for it ;)

Well have a good weekend all, I hope to be back on a more regular basis next week! I never thought meeting a guy who cut in to my blogging time this way!! ;)

Dateline Gaithersburg: 9/25/5

2005-09-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for some football? Ready to return to normal? Vicki should be home today. I have been honored that she let me write here while she was gone. And my thanks to all of you!

Monty

#9. wakingvixen

2005-09-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

If what you want is some really hot scenes, beautifully written, mindbending and sensual, I have a couple right here for you. These writers can be depended on for really beautifull sexual events. Try this story by Vixen. Another beautifull set of stories comes from Sunney in two parts. The first On the Beach Part 1 gets you really involved before terminating prematurely. The second story On the Beach - Part 2 is well worth the wait. Quality will always show. When you want the best quality information about sex, there's one place you definitely have to go.

Wakingvixen is written by Audacia Ray. She is a sex worker, and she shares knowledge and insights with accuracy and insight. If there is anything you ever wanted to know about sex, this woman is the person to ask. She typically answers questions from her mail on Fridays.

In The Company of Strangers is a typical post where she explores the hair splitting between "taking care of herself emotionally and becoming a paranoid hermit". She then explains the beauty of a couple letting a stranger into the couple's intimate spaces. And thus ensues a discussion of a threesome she gets involved it. Dacia is amazingly open, honest, informed and sharing.

Ask Audcia Anything 3 is a perfect example of the training Dacia has received and her willingness to share it. She is the consumate graduate student discussing how to massage a prostate gland. After this post, she left for Amsterdam where she worked on her masters degree.

This is the site I always recommend for almost anything about sex, when asked. I view Dacia's Ask Audacia Anything post as one of the best public services out there! Check it out for yourself! We are clearing out all those preconceived notions and speculations we hold! Sex and Zen, whaddayuknow!

Monty

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/23/5 Annie's Blog

2005-09-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my 8:00 am meeting. I didn't do very well, but that's OK, I wanted to be here instead. I found a blog called Annie's Blog in Houston, Texas. I left her a message to let us know on this post how she was doing. Her post Update On A Bitch - Wed PM isn't very bright. I do hope we hear from her here! Stop by there, and we'll have a sister blog in the path of a hurricane. Brings it a lot closer to home.

#8. My Last Appeal To You For Humanity

2005-09-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to say here because my jaws are locked. I need a break. Thank you for the last of your attention on this topic.

How Could You?
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice
cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you
said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home
at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me.

These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.
At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream ... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention
of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.

She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to
worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.
As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago.
She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry."

She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself --a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author, Jim Willis:
If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American and Canadian animal shelters. Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a noncommercial purpose, as long as it is properly attributed with the copyright notice. Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay and neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.

#7. Rescue Me

2005-09-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Before you go to a pet store and buy a pet, please consider rescuing one from a shelter. But please, make it a lifelong committment. Consider the following poem:

Rescue me not only with your hands,
but with your heart as well. I will respond to you.
Rescue me not out of pity, but out of love.
I will love you back.
Rescue me not with self-righteousness,
but with compassion. I will learn what you teach.
Rescue me not because of my past,
but because of my future. I will relax and enjoy.
Rescue me not simply to save me,
but to give me a new life. I will appreciate your gift.
Rescue me not only with a firm hand,
but with tolerance and patience. I will please you.
Rescue me not only because of who I am,
but who I'm to become. I will grow and mature."

#6. Kitty Titty

2005-09-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

This site is another one of those that I can't tell you how I got here I just know I stayed. Angelique is the reason. She is studying nursing, has worked for a vet clinic, the local SPCA, a public library and has more insight than most. She and her husband foster home kittens for the SPCA, in essence, she rescues them. The name of her blog comes from the peculiar habit one of her cats has developed, namely nursing from an older male cat, using what she thinks is his nipple. She is also my pimp, but that's not important. It's a car thing. You had to be there....

When it comes to animals Angelique is smarter than me, and way ahead. Part of the reason is the pet overpopulation problem in Austin. You can read more about companion animals problems and solutions here. These are significant problems that need to be solved and made into policy. The animals need our help!

Angelique also has a soft heart like mine and Vicki's. She lost a goldfish and put up the reference for Rainbow Bridge. Angelique is one of the kindest, sweetest, most humane people I know. I consider it a priviledge to visit her. I put this here, because of what comes next.

She also reported another problem in Austin. This is unacceptable behavior in human beings. She wants to kick them in the nuts and stick a firecracker up their butts. I want to see them in the 9th ring of hell with those kittens chewing their brains out for eternity as those bastards burn. Thank you Dante. It's a good thing you can't see the first several ideas I had.

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/22/5

2005-09-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

Good news! Rita has been downgraded to a Category 4 Storm, and has turned a bit East. We're still going to have higher gas prices for a while. And, natural gas heating will go up from last year anywhere from 50% to double the cost. What cost $6.00 (per billion cubic feet) is today being priced at $13.00 (per billion cubic feet). Stock prices will drop after the storm on both oil and natural gas stocks (UPL and CHK, both up big yesterday are natural gas plays).

Good oil stocks for the future? First, the refiner, Volero (VLO). These guys can buy the nastiest, most sulfer laden crude and make things like gasoline out of it. Cheapest crude to make the same gasoline. Bigger profit margins. Investors call this a receipe for success. Couple that with the fact that one quarter of the refining capacity in the United States will be shut down this weekend. Then we see how much damage was done> Next, find the crews and get them back to the plant. And on and on. We'll see $4.00 gasoline and outages soon, but it won't last. Marathon Oil (MRO), Exxon Mobile (XOM). And remember, you still have to diversify!! Not diversifying is shooting oneself in the foot. Think about United Health (UNH).

The insurance companies will tend to rise *after* the storm. These are the same guys advertising about having dedicated people rushing to the destroyed area. Our heros. So far, Mississippi and Alabama are suing five insurance companies for trying to get their insurees to sign waivers saying that there property was destroyed by floods and not high winds. Say what? Insurance companies do not insure against floods, the Federal govt. does. We will wait and see.

I sent another donation to the Humane Society and sent an email hoping that the next rescue effort is more successfull, and that they have cat food along with the dog food, and 'appropriate' medications.

Think about starting an emergency fund. Three to six months expenses. More later! My cat insists I come take care of her, and Holmes knows her role as "She Who Must Be Obeyed!"

Monty

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/21/5 Afternoon

2005-09-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

What's In Your Evacuation Plan?

Hurricane Rita is now a Class 5 Storm. Time to evacuate. What's in your Evacuation Plan for where you live? What if you live along the Mississippi River, like Fargo, North Dakota? What if you live in Portland, Oregon? Or Philadelphia, or Kansas City or Daytona Beach, or Gaithersburg? What are you going to do? If they tell you to leave, I am going to trust you'll actually leave. But who has a plan? I'll keep updating this one after work.

#5. The Pissed Kitty Cometh

2005-09-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

The Pissed Kitty Cometh is for creative writers. Everything is contrived, and it is done so well you can easily get sucked into believing what you are reading. The site is run by Pisser, one of the smartest people I have ever encountered. She has a way of distorting the language so it reads like it should sound, and it can sound either drunk, or dumb, or whatever she chooses. Much harder to do than meets the eye. The vast majority of respondents on the site are also creative writers. I really don't belong there because I am definitely not a creative writer. I need a spell checker. Which reminds me..

While reading her post "Money for Kibble 'N Bits For Free" Pisser listed the following article about the rescue of animals from hurricane Katrina.

If you peruse through DawnWatch, a site dedicated to animal issues, you will find a page on Email Etiquette. I feel strongly that we as human beings must stand up for animals. They cannot defend themselves from us. They have not created the environment they live in, and they have become totally dependent on humans. When disasters like Katrina occur, we depend on organizations who are supposed to be able to rescue humans and animals alike. We should never expect a shelter to turn down an animal. We should be able to expect that cat food will be provided for cats, dog food for dogs, and if euthanasia is unavoidable, the proper, approved humane treatments. There are no substitutes.

DawnWatch talks about writing to the media. You can follow the same rules for writing to your local, state, and Federal Government representatives. You can easily find your Senators and your Representative at these government sites. And please, don't forget the Humane Society of the United States.

And it's all because of Pisser and Tracey and a woman named Angelique who you haven't met yet. So, please, be active, and support the animals! I have to go play with my cat, who I have ignored all morning, yeah, sure I have! More later.

Monty

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/21/5

2005-09-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

The Fed raised interest rates again, and the yield curve is about flat. Now, I am not going to bore the hell out of you with detailed economic analysis and insight here. But, let's talk mortgages for those of you who have been refinancing. When it costs about the same for a fixed rate and a variable rate mortgage, pick the fixed rate loan. The Fed has said it is going to continue to raise rates. You want to borrow at current rates, you do not want to be a lender. Get the 30 year fixed loan, cut back on the duration, ooops jargon, cut back on the years to maturity of bonds and CDs.

Buying stocks? How can you not? The inflation the Fed is fighting is the rise in the price of energy. Gas and oil are backing off, but natural gas has doubled from last summer. Chesapeake (CHK) and Ultra Petroleum (UPL) look good to me. WARNING ATTENTION WARNING I am not a licensed financial advisor. I do NOT have a series 7 nor any other financial license. I am not licensed to give financial advice. Never, never ,never do anything because I said I liked it.

Fund your 401K (or 403C) and your Roth IRA. If you had been living in New Orleans, and you had started a Roth when they were introduced, you'd have money available to you now wherever you were. I trust that is a compelling enough argument for you. If you can't fund all at once on Jan. 2 (financial institutions are closed on New Year's Day, only retail is open) put it in via smaller chunks throughout the year. Just get it done, please.

There are a lot of blogs I read, but don't stop to comment. Then, there are friends where you go and sit with a cup of coffee, and/or a double martini (with all the Sapphire I have here, I have definitely been drinking more vodka lately). These are blogs like Rhonda's and Tracey's and kcterrilynn's just to name a few. I'm talking along the lines of making a brie wheel with some almonds and a little nutmeg, with a beer and some nice crackers, or a roast beef sandwich, something somewhat substantial because you know you're going to have a good time.

I was reading Tracey's site when I hit this post and simply have been building rage ever since. Needless to say, I will have a bit to say about this soon! More coming.

Monty

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/20/5

2005-09-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

This is a live interview in progress after the Redskins-Cowboy Football Game:

And I would like to thank the football gods for their forebearance in the game, but I do have to remind you that from the beginning of training camp, we always hear from the coaches that it's the 4th quarter that counts. We train, we build out endurance, and we learn to persevere for the 4 th quater, and it looks like it paid off tonight. I'd also like to remind all of you reporters that there was another trade last year involving a Moss and all of you missed it. Santana Moss plays for the Redskins, and he and Mark Brunnell beat Dallas tonight 14 to 13. Dallas has 2:35 left in the 4th quarter when Washington took the lead. Parts of the Mid-Atlantic region stopped breathing for the next 15 minutes or so. But yea verily, contrary to recent experience, the Redskins held on to win.

All of this in the face of very pro-Dallas coverage from Al Michaels and John Madden (yes Virginia, they named the software after him). The game had ended, the Redskins had won, and neither Madden nor Michaels had come up with a player of the game who's picture is put on the side of the ABC horse trailer. Eventually, it was decided that Santana Moss was the Player of the Game. There's some very happy Fantasy player here tonight too, locutus had Santana Moss, and destroyed the rest of us with his 7 of 9 team!

For me, in the face of all the negative coverage for over a decade, the season can end tonight. The Redskins are 2 - 0, we won it all!!!! (please excuse me Vicki but although you all won Sunday 45 - 3 over San Francisco, your team is only 1 - 1, just like the Cowboys. They didn't look so good, 13 points in 4 quarters, harrumph. I invite you and all of the Philly fans to increase your season record by doing to the Cowboys what you did to the 49ers!

In the meantime, I have a pound of my high butter fat Belgian chocolate, and some gourmet raspberry jam, two bottles of claret, the manual I printed out, and fond memories of tangoing with a gorgeous redhead, and I'm going to go get a friendly female friend to celibrate. I called into work a few minutes ago and left them a message that I was too sick to come in. It's time to celibrate!!!!!

GO REDSKINS

Monty

#4. Overworked & Underf*cked

2005-09-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

Talk about luck, I have no idea how I found this blog , but am I ever glad I did! More sex! Absolutely! And then there's the little side benefits. Avatar Socalian (no Virginia, it's not her real name, it's her pen name. Because she lives in Southern California, that's why, now shhh)will take something completely contrived, but so close that it could be real, and then does a raging parody on the situation. And the participating audience posts 'reactions' or actually participates. You need to be a very creative writer to play here. I have 'blown' it there several times, but Avatar is a real and generous person who has tolerated me, gratefully.

Of greater importance, Avatar has no problem speaking out on social injustice. Her post on how her friend Becky> is a testament to the stupidity of discrimination. This society still finds it acceptible to discriminate against people who are heavy, just as we discriminate again others. The big difference is that women, people of different races, countries of national origin, etc. are protected. Fat people aren't. You can find all the statistics you'd care to find pretty easily with Google.

Avatar also has posts that will interest most of you:

What it Feels Like In A Girl is the opposite of What it Feels Like
For A Girl with a lot of insight from Avatar. Then, another manual for those of us who are less informed (me!) she has written
How To Prepare For A Casual Encounter. And last, we have Rules For A One Night Stand. I also want you to know that Avatar originated <C*ckblogging Wednesday> a tasty treat almost every Wednesday that truely makes Wednesday, well, Hump Day!

I could keep writing, but a lousy thing has happened to Avatar. She has lost her job. She is a graphic artist and Junior Art Director. She is looking in the Orange County/Los Angeles/San Diego area for work. If you know of a company looking for someone like her, or have a media contact in the area, or any lead of substance please go directly to Avatar's site and let her know. You ask why would I go out on a limb for someone I have never met, nor spoken with? Avatar is my HERO. I do not have her guts, her insight, her willingness to get the hate mail that she does. She has stood up for so many different groups and individuals that I am asking you to take a couple of minutes to see if you can help her. Thank you in advance for your efforts!

Monty

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/19/5

2005-09-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

The Philadelphia Eagles blew out the San Francisco 49ers 45 to 3 in a track meet. KC just got by the Oakland Raiders due to a great defensive effort by the Chief. Miss Vicki is in seclusion after watching her team win at the Linc. Would you believe Payton Manning and the Colts win 10 to 3 over the Jaguars. Would you belive that New England loses to Carolina 27 to 17.

See you all soon, and somebody, try to interpret the Zen piece, please.

Monty

Dateline: Gaithersburg 9/18/5

2005-09-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

Only the news we care about:

I talked to Miss Vicki tonight. She arrived safely in Philadelphia and was esconced in the couch at her parent's house watching the Ducks play Fresno State. The game was at halftime when we talked, and the Ducks were ahead. (The final score, the unranked Ducks nosed out 23rd ranked Fresno State 37-34 causing some wide-spread jubillation).

Vicki is also rooting for her friends who publish who are having writer's block to take some time off and de-stress. Just reporting here.

In further action, Iowa ranked #22 destroyed arch rival N. Iowa 45 to 21 in a masterfull demonstration of skill. Finally, West Virginia squeaked by Maryland 31 to 19 after losing their last three games to the Terps.

The Philadelphia Eagles are viewed as a lock against the San Francisco 49ers at home. This is the game Vicki is going to see. She'd really like a cheer for her Eagles, because she has seen too many 'locks' turn into heartbreak.

Finally, we have the Washington Redskins against the Dallas Cowboys Monday night on ABC. The issue is do you believe in Bledsoe and Keyshawn Johnson versus the Redskins trying to decide between quarterbacks Brunnel and Ramsey. Clinton Fortas should do well regardless of who is the quarterback. There is also some question about the actual qualiy of Santana Moss as a receiver, hence the smart money is giving the edge to Dallas. I'm picking the 'Skins to upset Bledsoe et al, but I do have an emotional investment in the 'Skins. I'd like a cheer for the ever-rebuilding 'Skins too. If you're a Dallas fan............

I believe that's all that matters that I know of at the moment.

Monty

#3 Zen: First Story

2005-09-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

Zen is a philosophy that people study just as we study existentialism or phenomenology. I do NOT consider myself an expert in anything, much less any philosophical body of work. On the other hand, i have been reading for a few years. If you'd like to get something out of these, write what you think the story is about. Zen typically starts with this same first story. Here it is.

1. A Cup of Tea

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868 - 1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said,"you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

All of the stories, unless otherwise noted, are from "Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen writing" compiled by Paul Reps

And, it's only here at Vicki's Blog!

Have a good weekend, y'all, I'm working both days!

Monty

#2. 2005: Year of Cunnilingus

2005-09-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

When I first saw the post proclaiming that 2005 was the Year of Cunnilingus, you cannot imagine how surprised I was. I immediately went running to my wife yelling,"we have to practice, it's the year of cunnilingus!" Her response,"Wtf are you shouting about and when did you start calling it cunnilingus?" I guess I'm not so formal at home.

Anyway, I had stumbled onto the website of the Hot Chicks and was treated to something I hadn't expected. To understand the site, there are two hot chicks, Theresa and Lu. Theresa does the majority of the publishing. First, you need to read the Hot Chick's Code and then the rest of the blog makes sense. On Dec. 31, 2004, Theresa declares 2005 as the Year of Cunnilingus

Theresa's writing gets better and better as time progresses. She is actually an exceptionally bright person and a talented writer. She wanders through various topics in relationships with skill and deftness. She has training in psych. or social work, whatever, and she's very good at it. Then in August, she issues a public service announcement from my vagina You really should read from here. She has wit, taste, style, and brains.

And for those of you looking for the manual you can find a man's guide to cunnilingus usefull for anyone.

Monty

First Attempt By Monty

2005-09-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

Would believe that Vicki left me this whole blog to use while she's gone. She has *everything* in here you could hope for. I guess this blog goes from zero to 60 in about 4.5 seconds. The things she never told us! Minivan, right, I can see Vicki in a minivan now. It would be fueled with nitro-methane....but I digress. Focus...blog...responsibility.

Vicki and Vixen have been after me to write a blog for quite a while now. For some strange reason, Vicki thinks I have something to say, about things that aren't related to cooking. Some of you may know, I used to be a really good cook. But, I did have an automobile accident and I can't stand as long as I used to when I was making a dish like egg plant parmesian. So, I have been reading blogs, and thinking.

The Supreme Court recently ruled that a government could confiscate your property if they could get more revenue from it than was presently being generated. I know this sounds insane, and I don't have a reference so I'll leave this to my eminent counselor and football protagonist, Mr. jp, Esq. to debunk. I don't do legal, sorry. The vast majority of you all could care less about cooking so I have ruled that out, although locutus has a dynamite receipe site and I can't find the URL for it. locutus, please comment on the address of your site, please.

So, I sit here, taking my new blogging responsibilities as seriously as I take almost anything, with my coffee, a box of triscuits and some brie (I am not going to shrivel up and die to write) thinking. Maybe a little Zen would be good here? Or how about learning to be more activist, writing letters to editors to express your point of view. Or how about writing to Congress. How many of you wrote to your Congresspersons (One representative, two Senators; I am represented by Congressman Chris Van Hollen and Senators Barbara Mikulski and Paul Sarbanes) over the handling of the Katrina rescue efforts? Democracy depends on an informed electorate.

Then it dawned on me, SEX. Sex sells. So, perhaps we can take a look at sex along the way. If there's something you want to know, were always afraid to ask, you can try me. I don't promise to know, but it can't hurt to ask!

Oh and while I'm out....

2005-09-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

I forgot!! My good buddy Monty will posting here in my absence, so you all keep coming back and give him some props :)

See you guys soon, and GO EAGLES!!!

Outta here!

2005-09-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Well this might be my last post for several days, as tomorrow morning at 6 am I'll be on a plane to Philly. I have a lot to do tonight, packing etc, so I may not be able to get back on the 'puter. I'll be back on Saturday 9/24, so I'll be posting my brains out when I get back :)

Met "new guy" yesterday, went for a hike up at Lava Canyon in Washington, we had a great time, lots of fun. We walked all around the lava beds and then sat and had some lunch/dinner. The chipmunks there were so cute, we had some Funyuns (remember those? lol I love em) and the chipmunks will actually come right up to you, and even climb ON you, and come and take them. We had a blast with that. I really like this guy, hopefully things will work out, but I'm just gonna take it as it comes and see what happens next :)

Have a great week everyone, talk to you soon!!!

Finally, a winner!

2005-09-14T07:42:00.000-07:00

I'm actually not talking bout sports!! ;p I had an AWESOME time with guy #2 last night! I wasn't even really nervous about meeting him, we hit off so well just talking on the phone that I felt like I already have known him a long time. For once, this one was everything I was expecting, and there were even sparks! lol I could definitely tell the difference from this guy and from the boat/Corona guy from a couple weeks ago. This guy I can't wait to see again, in fact I'm seeing him again today!

We met up and went to dinner at this really cool place called The Kennedy School. We had some beers and talked nonstop all night. In fact, even being tired, I was absolutely no hurry to go home, I could have stayed there all night. Well, we did stay pretty late, we looked up at the clock and it was after midnight! And time doesn't usually fly for me like that. So, suffice it to say I got home pretty damn late, but I managed to get up and get my ass into work today, no problem (I'm sure I'll be tired later on). Had a great kiss goodnight, everything went really really well. We were talking about how weird it was, how we hit it off so well, because neither of us were really expecting it. From the first time we talked on the phone, I had a good feeling about this guy. But, if there isn't any chemistry when you meet in person (ya know, as with boat/Corona guy), it just won't do, but I had a really awesome time and can't wait to see him again today!

I'm gonna take off work early and we're gonna go hiking for a few hours. He hikes all the time and knows lots of awesome places. I'm hoping my boss will let me out early today so I can go do this, because I'm leaving on Friday and won't see him for a while. Of course I pick THIS WEEK to go on vacation, dammit!! Figures, I finally meet someone great and then I'm leaving for 9 days. Ahhhh the bitter irony!!

Well anyway, wish me luck, I think, with any luck, this might actually work out. We'll see! :)

2005-09-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Well, last night was....... BAD. My team lost and lost BAD. I got to the Eagles bar around 5:20, so I had a little while to go and say hi to everyone that I haven't seen since the Super Bowl in January. It's cool, everything just picks up where it left off back then, like it had only been a week, rather than months and months. We all were so excited when the game was about to start, but as soon as Trotter got ejected (hmmmm provoked?), I had a feeling there was gonna be trouble. We just couldn't get anything done, offensively or defensively, anyively. I could see it on McNabb's face, this was just gonna be a bad night. I know the face, and it was the losing face. So, we lost. I can't believe we're in last freaking place, this blows goats!!

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I am going to wear myself thin this week. I didn't get to bed until almost midnight, and tonight is date #2 - not the youngin' :op, but the other guy. I have talked to him on the phone several times, and I really like him so far. Let's hope that in person spark thing happens, keep your fingers crossed!!!

Then, well, what to do, what to do, about the youngin'. I'm supposed to go out to dinner with him tomorrow. Last light while I was at the bar he left me a voice mail, but I haven't called him back yet. I was kind of waiting to see how things went tonight ;) Is that horrible of me? Sure he's nice and cute and YOUNG, I just don't know if I see anything really happening there. I just can't get over the age thing, I can't help it, it is just a BIG difference :)

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I'm sorry I won't have much of a chance to visit everyone's blogs this week, work's been crazy busy because I'm leaving Friday morning and I have a zillion things to do, and Thursday, the only night I have to myself this week (dayum, when it rains it pours!!), so I have to do laundry, pack, etc. Busy busy busy!! I'm used to sitting on my ass, this is wearing me out!! ;) I probably won't be able to blog much while I'm in Philly, my parents don't have a computer so I'll have to go to the library and use theirs, but I'll get there a few times while I'm away, so I'll post a couple things "from the road" and tell you all about the Eagles game this Sunday. Should be nice warm weather, I can't wait!!! But I'll catch up with everyone and send lotsa comments around when I get back, promise!!

The Date

2005-09-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, well here is my report on "the date." I got to the bar first, which was good because I needed a drink, most definitely. I don't know why I was nervous for God's sake. Well I wasn't nervous about him, just the age thing was still freaking me out and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it at the end of the night. When I got there the Yanks/Sox game was on TV, which was perfect. After that the Orioles/Mariners game was on. Excellent!

So, he showed up a few minutes later. We had some food (just appetizers really, I wasn't terribly hungery) and just sat, hung out and talked for several hours. I can be kinda quiet when I'm nervous, so I was trying to make sure I kept talking, which inevitably led to sports, sports and more sports. He likes baseball and football, which is good! Unfortunately, he doesn't like the Eagles, but he does like the Packers, so that's at least something ;)

I had 3 beers (he only had 1, he was trying to not drink too much b/c he was driving, and he was out the night before drinking), and I found myself prolonging the night, because I was still a little weirded out by the whole age thing. We literally sat there for hours, it was already around 11:00 (I got there some time around 6:30) and the beers had worn off by then, so I was in need of something a little stronger. Because, at the end of the night, that's when I have to decide whether I'm going to kiss him or not. So, I ordered the best scotch they had, and that seemed to do the trick :)

By the time I finished that it was 11:30 or 11:45 and I was tired, I had a really busy day at work that day (why are Fridays always the busiest days??) and I had to get up early tomorrow to take my car in to get my tires checked. So, the time had finally come. We left, he offered to walk me to my car, which was very sweet. It was about 2 blocks away. When we got there, he just said the usual "I had a good time, thanks for meeting me, etc" and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. Very gentlemanly for a young lad! :op Weirdly enough, something hit me. I may as well find out if kissing him is going to severely weird me out (hell, it was probably the scotch lol), and he had mentioned earlier that he had to park several blocks away from the bar, so..... I then offered to give him a ride to his car. I was going to just kiss him there on the street.... IN PUBLIC!!! :) So he said thanks very much, that would be awesome, so we got in my minivan (yes, embarrassing, especially on a date!), and I drove him the 5 blocks to where his car was. It was time for him to get out of the car, he kind of leaned over to give me another peck on the cheek or whatever, and I just said 'fuck it' and kissed him. We kissed for probably a good minute, and then I said goodnight and he left. HOLY SHIT!! I KISSED A 22 YEAR OLD!! It didn't feel weird at the time, in fact it was kinda nice, but aftewards, on the way home, all I kept saying to myself was "I can't believe I did that!"

So, I was driving to the store on Saturday, and lo and behold my phone rings, and it's him. He knew I was leaving on Friday for Philly, and asked if he could "see me" again before I left. He asked if he could take me out to dinner. I told him Wednesday would work, so I'm sure he'll call today or tomorrow. I honestly don't know if I should have done that or not. I just don't know if I can get over this age thing, it just keeps weirding me out.

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Believe it or not, I also have another date tomorrow night with a different guy!!! I try the online dating thing every once in a while, and I figured I'd give it one more try, and this guy I met that way. He's 36 (much closer to my age!! lol), and we even have the same birthday, which is weird! I've never met anyone with the same birthday as me (February 26). We seem to have a lot in common, and he's just really nice, and I really enjoy talking with him (we've talked on the phone a couple times), the first time we talked it was for like 45 minutes. So, we're going out tomorrow night, I'll keep you posted on that one. If him and I hit it off, I think I'm going to have to cut the youngin' loose. ;)

Tonight is my football night, I'll be heading out to Tigard to watch the Eagles game with all my Eagles buddies, I can't wait!! I haven't seen these guys since the Super Bowl, so it'll be nice to see everyone again. God, I hope they win. The f'ing Cowboys won yesterday, so we can't let them be one-uppin' us like that, no friggin way!!! So, everyone, give me a big GO EAGLES!!!! :)

Men, you can't live with em, you can't shoot em ;)

2005-09-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

Ok. Well, it turns out I must have forgotten that I GAVE the 22 year old my # after all (hey after a few beers, who remember these things? lol), but out of the fucking blue, he called me today!! I was at work, so he left me a voice mail, asking if I was doing anything tomorrow night (being Friday). HOLY SHIT!! Ok now that this little ... idea is a reality, what to do!!

So, after all your "go for it!" comments, I got to thinkin.... WHY NOT? I mean it's not like I'm going to really DO anything with him, but there's nothing wrong with having a few beer or whatever, right?

So I called him back, and he asked if he could take me out to dinner, or whatever I wanted to do. I told him I was probably just gonna go find a bar to watch the Mariners game at, so he said he'd love to do that. So, we're gonna talk after work tomorrow and go from there. Holy fookin' shit!! I don't know what I'd seriously do if he tried to kiss me or something.... I MEAN, HE'S JUST A BABY!! lol I just don't know if I could do it with out feeling totally.... weird. So, here we stand, I am evidently going out on a "date" with a 22 year old. God help us all. :)

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Why Men Are Happier Than Women

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public.
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

I'm headin EAST baby!!

2005-09-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

First off, I know most of you have given to the Red Cross or other places to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina, myself included. Just one thing I wanted to mention, is please don't forget about the animals who need help too, who were left to fend for themselves and are trapped, lonely and starving. I haven't been able to give a terribly high amount of money, but I've split it equally between the Red Cross and various animal organizations, such as The Humane Society of the US and North Shore Animal League and Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. If you want to, and can help, please do. I'm such a huge animal lover, the stories just break my heart.

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Also, DON'T FORGET THAT THE NFL SEASON STARTS TODAY!!! Make sure and get your Fantasy Football team set!
THANK GOD, FOOTBALL IS HERE!! I know, given the tragedy in America, it's stupid to even think about, but I love this time of year and it's something that hopefully can take my mind off all this heartache going on, although my thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by Hurricane Katrina.

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Anyway.....

On Friday, 9/16, I am gettin the hell outta dodge. I am headin back to the land I came from, PHILLY!!! So, I wanted to give a shoutout to all the people from PA, Jersey, thereabouts - we have to get together for a blogger party - beer, anything, while I'm in town!!! Anyone who can do it, and isn't tooooo far away or could meet me half way, post here or email me!!! It'll be months before I'm back and I'd love to meet any of ya who can do it!!

This is the only place I've gone "on vacation" since I moved here almost 4 years ago. My parents are still in Philly (well technically in the burbs), and they're getting older and older, and so I go and see them at least once, if I can twice, a year. Conveniently, I usually plan these little trips around sporting events. Hey, I am who I am. If I go in the spring or summer, it's Phillies games. If it's in the fall, it's all about DA IGGLES and I have a ticket waiting for me for the 9/18 game against the 9ers (not my first pick of games, but I'll take what I can get). My first trip to "The Linc" was last year for the Green Bay game in December. I was in absolute awe.... the new stadium was incredible!!! The only plae I'd known for either baseball or football was Veteran's Stadium, and anyone who's been there, knows how sucky it was. At least the stadium itself. I have a lot of happy memories going there as a child. When you're a kid you don't care if it's dirty, or there are bugs (not to mention rats) everywhere.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting back and having me a REAL cheesesteak and a Italian hoagie, and WAWA coffee and a decent pollution pretzel!!! Let me know if any of you can make it out!!

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OH and by the way, I'm sorry I haven't been able to check out and/or comment on too many blogs lately, work's been pretty busy and, with getting ready to go away, there's even more to do. Plus, I've been going to the gym early in the mornings, when I used to blog and check blogs, so there's just not enough time but I'll do my best to keep up, and thanks for all you guys who read and comment here!

Robbin the Cradle

2005-09-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I decided to go out for a couple beers after work on Friday. By myself, had a rough day at work, so just took a walk down a couple blocks to this place called Blue Moon. I was enjoying my second Hefeweizen, and someone turned the TV over to the Mariners game. I made a comment like "YES, BASEBALL!," and this kid turned around and we high-fived (guess he liked baseball too), and we started talking. He was totally cute, and funny, and I had a good time talking to him over another beer, but I could tell he was young. Not just young, YOUNG. Toward the end of the conversation he started to ask me for my phone number. I just had to stop him and say, "How the hell old are you?" in my usual smart assy tone :op. He said with confidence, "22!" Well my jaw nearly hit the floor. Twentyfuckingtwo!!?? Holy shit!! He said, "What, you can't be more than 24!?" Well I almost kissed him on the spot for that one, but I figured it was the beer talkin ;) I politely told him that I just couldn't, he was cute and all but that was just way too young for me, and that, unfortunately, I was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over 24. It was just too cute, but there's no way in hell I could live with myself in corrupting a poor young lad! I told a friend of mine about it who, surprisingly, said I should have given him my #.

So my question is.... this is a little VictoriasSecret poll: What do you guys think, is that just foo tucking young? :p Or, should I have said the hell with it and given him my # anyway? How young is foo tucking young, anyway?

I'm confused. I really want someone in my life. Someone I can't wait to see or talk to the next day, someone who makes me smile and laugh all the time, and who loves baseball, football and animals as much as I do. Someone I can travel with, and just enjoy being around and miss when he's not there. I've been single several years now, and I enjoy having my own time to do whatever I want whenever I want, but I also really miss having someone there, during holidays, weekends, to go away for the weekend with..... it's driving me crazy!! I'm tired of looking. I tried the "I won't look anymore" thing, because everyone says it finds you when you least expect it, but alas that didn't work!!

There are a few specifics that I like in a guy: I like tall guys, with dark hair, light colored eyes but that's not a "must have," who loves sports and who can be totally romantic and then totally sarcastic and smart assy. Someone I can tell anything to, but also someone I can scream at a football game with. Someone I can count on. Ya know, the bad boy look but who isn't a total bad boy. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Testing the Limits

2005-09-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

The law office I work at is very very laid back when it comes to vacations, sick days - you can pretty much take whatever you want or need. As long as your boss is ok with it, it'll work. It's a small office though - 7 attorneys (2 partners), 3 legal assistants, one receptionist. The only thing that most of us try to do it make sure not too many of us (meaning non-attorneys) aren't out at once. So, there you have the background to my little story here.

Plus, one of the legal assistant just left a few weeks ago, she had a baby a week ago and isn't coming back (stay at home mom). So, we got a great person to replace her, and she started a few weeks ago. She's very experienced, but is still new to our office, and as you all know who've worked in offices, it takes a little while to really get used to it. Plus, she left a larger firm to come here, where they have people to take your mail, make your copies (large jobs), do your billing, etc. So, it's a lot more to learn, coming to our office, than if she went to another mid-sized firm.

We have a vacation calendar where we keep track of when everyone is taking vacation days. For about four months now I have had my dates on the calendar - 9/16 - 9/24. Everyone knew I was taking that week (well ok 9 days :op).

So, the middle of last week comes around and the scantily-clad legal assistant (most of you know who I'm talking about) in my office sent an email to everyone announcing she was off to a 3-week trip to Japan beginning September 6. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised by this. She KNEW I was going away in September, and now that she's going away, not to mention for 3 weeks, that it's going to leave the new assistant here by herself to do work for 7 attorneys.

I was absolutely furious. Not even really because of it overlapping my vacation, but that she never seems to think of anyone but her fucking self when making decisions about when to take off, which is a LOT. Counting this trip, this will be 8 weeks of vacation she's taken. 8 WEEKS!! Given, the firm's about 6 years old and she's been here since the beginning, plus has another 15 or so years of law experience, but in a small firm like ours, we need to take care of each other. She couldn't give a rat's ass about any one of us. I don't think there's a week that goes by that she doesn't have a day off for something or other. Luckily for her, her boss is really laid back and a great guy, so I'm sure he just lets her do what she wants and doesn't say anything. That's all well and good, but it's just infuckingconsiderate. I would never do that to her, or anyone else there. FUCKO!!! (just for you Charlie lol).

My airfare's bought, so I'm going, either way. I actually (before I booked the trip last week) offered to change my plans just so the new assistant wouldn't be stuck there all alone. My boss was nice enough to tell me go ahead and go - he actually is having his wife come in and help while I'm gone, she used to be a legal assistant so she's more than capable of holding down the fort. All this so the shithead can go on a 3-week vacation. I hope she has one helluva trip.

Do you think this is fair? Do you want to slap her? :op I sure do. So let's see, she dresses WAY too provacatively at work, dates men less than half her age, and goes on vacation all the time. What a life! ;)

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On another note, I just HAD to post a picture of my new #1 fantasy man. I was watching an old Oprah show I had recorded and had never watched. This was the first time I had ever seen this guy, as I don't watch decorating shows. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HE IS FUCKING GORGEOUS!!! Why can't I find a guy like THIS to date??? Ladies, are you with me?

Hit me like a ton of bricks

2005-09-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

All the devastation from Hurricane Katrina.... it really hit me today. I was at the gym, watching all the news coverage while I sweated out my frustrations. This is really the first time I gave the coverage my full attention, and they had people on TV who were looking for missing loved ones, who were desperately needing help and weren't getting it, hospitals that couldn't even begin to help all the people that needed it... I almost started bawling right there in the gym. Two weeks ago everything was fine there, people were going to work, taking their kids to the park, buying groceries, watching TV, going to baseball games - now it's all gone.

I couldn't even begin to fathom what it's like for people who not only lost all of their possessions, but have watched their entire town disappear, who are desperate for food, water, shelter, electricity, medical care....the basic stuff we all take for granted.... all gone. I felt incredibly guilty for going about my daily life, for the warm bed I slept in last night, the clean clothes I'm wearing, the chicken salad I made for lunch. Thousands upon thousands would probably literally kill to have even one of those things back right now. Sure, I've donated money, but I'm sure that's not putting those people's minds at ease right now. They don't need money, they need food and water and a place to sleep. They need to know their children will be safe.

I just feel awful, I want to jump on a plane (like there would be a place to land one) and just do SOMETHING to help these people, and the animals too. I'm a huge animal lover, and I imagine that they are suffering equally, as I'm sure a lot of people had to leave their pets behind. I myself just couldn't do that, no matter what I would not leave them.

Then, they show good old George Bush riding in a nice, comfy, first class accommodated plane over the areas affected. Now nice of him, he cut short his vacation to take a plane ride and say some nice words, part of which was that he could understand and imagine what all these people are going through. Yeah, George, I'm sure you know all about it. Fucking asshole. I'm sorry, but he needs to get off his fucking ass and take action here. People don't need his sympathy, they need his HELP.

Anyway, this rush of emotion this morning really bummed me out, so I figured I'd, well, bum all you out too :)

Comings and Goings

2005-08-31T08:16:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have a dilema, and I wanted to get some opinions on this. I told you about "boat guy," the guy I was dating for a week or two, and I actually ended up breaking it off, for the most part, because although he was really nice, fun to be with and cute, there just wasn't that "spark" or "passion" that makes it something you just REALLY WANT. Know what I mean? So, he's been calling and emailing (I admit, I didn't answer the phone, just let voice mail pick it up, because I've been too chicken to really talk in depth about this), asking for another chance, saying he misses me, etc....

So, what should I do? Do I give it another try, and if things still don't spark, have to go through this all over again? Did I not give it enough of a chance? Or am I rightly following my instincts?? I'm so confused!! :)

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I've been getting into wine (among other things.... Seamus - SCOTCH/BURBON!! :op) a lot lately. A couple of attorneys in my office are really into wine, and when we go out for 'firm lunches' occasionally it's usually an interesting part of the lunch, picking the wine. I've also heard lately and before how beneficial red wine is for your health (in moderation, of course! ;o)). So, I now have about 10 bottles I've bought in the past month or so, and I'm getting more and more interested. But, alas, I'm not spending a lot of money on this wine, usually between $10 - $15 a bottle, but I'm afraid a trend is happening and I'm going to go nutso with it. Help me!! I'm a beer girl, I swear!!

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My mom e-mailed me this morning, saying that my sister was having to put one of her beloved greyhounds to sleep. He's old, and has had a lot of health problems lately, and now is in such bad shape she really doesn't have a choice anymore. She's nutso with treatments, she's taken him to a chiropractor, homeopathic doctor, all sorts of shit. I shudder to think how much money she's spent on this dog, but I guess I'd probably do whatever I could also for my dogs, if I had any. I love animals. I've sent donations to several animal rescue organizations for the Hurricane relief effort. For some reason, that's always what I think of first, helping the animals. Mostly just because they're more helpless than the people, because a lot of people I'm sure were forced to leave their pets behind. I just couldn't imagine doing that, I'd never leave my cat or dog or whatever to fend for themselves. But, still, my thoughts, hopes and prayers still go out to everyone in the south affected by this awful storm, I can't believe the devastation people are having to get through.

On a slightly happier note, there was an assistant in my law office named Katrina, who was my predecessor. When I got here, everyone told me how awful she was - she'd lose things, was generally lazy, and just not committed to the job at all. So, I must admit, there were several Hurricane Katrina jokes running around the office the last few days. :)

Have a great Wednesday!

OH and PS does anyone watch Big Brother 6??? I can't f'ing believe they are going to backdoor James, they should have gotten rid of Janelle!! I like James a lot (ok I think he's cute lol), and I hope he can pull out another miracle on Thursday!!!

Holy Shit!!

2005-08-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

First off - does anyone else do this? I'm on the phone quite a bit at work, as a legal assistant, and usually end up leaving a lot of voice mail messages. For some reason, even though I know (or assume) that just hanging up after leaving the message is sufficient, I always feel the need to hit the pound "#" sign then go through the 5,000,000,000 options to finally get the message that "your message has been sent." I can't seem to stop doing it. I remember one time in the past I just hung up and the person never got the message, so I guess I'm just overly paranoid. Like I need one more thing to worry about :)

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Ok, so I was sitting here, sipping on some Evan Williams burbon, watching a tape (DVR) of the Oprah show today. Yes, I tape it, fuck you if you don't like it :op - half the time I delete it before even watching, but I usually watch the first few minutes to see if it's anything good. Well today, I learned a lot about shit. I mean, I really did!! Literally!!

There was this guy on the show, Dr. Mehmet Oz (gotta love that name), who started talking about shit.

When it comes to figuring out if you're digesting things properly and eating healthy, Dr. Mehmet Oz says that you should rely on your senses in the bathroom. For starters, have you ever thought about the importance of what your bowel movement sounds like when it hits the water? Listen up!

"You want to hear what the stool, the poop, sounds like when it hits the water. If it sounds like a bombardier, you know, 'plop, plop, plop,' that's not right because it means you're constipated. It means the food is too hard by the time it comes out. It should hit the water like a diver from Acapulco hits the water [swoosh]."

The next thing Dr. Oz recommends is looking at your stool—c'mon, you've done it before! You should look twice—look at the shape and then, the color.

"It should be an S shape and you want to make sure the color's normal because the color of the poop tells you a lot about how you made it," Dr. Oz says. "You don't want [pieces]. Food is a medicine for you. It helps you. [If the stool is in pieces] by the time you finished digesting your food, you don't have enough of it left to poop out in the right way and probably it's hurt the colon that has to process it. At the end of the day you can analyze your body really effectively by looking at what comes out of your body."

Ok folks, so shall we talk about a "homework assignment" now? :op

P.S. When I googled this guy, I later saw a bunch of info about him and cruelty to animals re Columbia University, so now I want to literally beat the shit out of him. Fucker. Anyone who is cruel to any animal is never going to get any compassion out of me.

Dazed and Confused

2005-08-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

Good song, ain't it?

I find myself in a weird .... situation. I keep looking toward the future, new things..... and it keeps leading me back to the past. Why the hell is that? I remember all the hopes and dreams I had as a little girl.... ya know, finding the 'perfect guy,' having the perfect wedding, buying the perfect house, having the perfect kids... is that really real, or just some stupid-ass dream we all dream, only to be later disappointed by.. REALITY!?

I just find myself in this weird .... place. Wondering what the hell to do with my life. Shit, I'm 37, you'd think I'd have figured this shit out by now, right? Well, disappointly, I haven't. In fact, with each day I seem to have more and more unanswerable questions. I have no idea where to go from here, what I really want, and where to find it.

I think I just need to stop and smell the roses. Shit, this IS the Rose City after fucking all!! ;op

I don't think I'm ever going to find that perfect guy, or buy that perfect house, or have those perfect kids. I am single, and I have a cat. Not quite the dream, but hey at least it's something. Football's starting, baseball playoffs are around the corner, so I have months and months ahead of me that will hopefully distract me from this scary reality that I think too much about. Sometimes I honestly just want to pack my shit up and drive aimlessly across the country, hoping I'll find "it" along the way somewhere. Somewhere I least expect it. Just a little distraction from the worrysome "search" would be nice :)

DRAFT TODAY!!!!

2005-08-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

Don't forget people!!! I should have sent out a reminder sooner, but I was in a meeting all morning (ok we just sit around and talk and eat donuts for 3 hours :op).

2 HOURS AND COUNTING!!

Hell, I'm not even sure if I can make it myself, I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger today, but if not I wish everyone luck, and we'll see who gets who!!

Anyone need help, let me know. Thanks!!

OH I heard that if you have a popup blocker on your computer you may have trouble with going into the live draft, so if you can give it a test first or enter the draft 10-15 early so you can still have time to make adjustments if you need to. There is a "test your system" link where you can make sure it works ok.

Have fun, and happy Friday!!!!!

Legends

2005-08-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

Life is good: I'm at work, it's 4:00 pm, and I just opened up a nice Mike's Hard Lemonade to wash away the last hour. It's about 85 degrees, sunny, no humidity.....
LOVE IT!!!

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I know those of you in the Northeast US would probably have heard this story....

The tale of the New Jersey Devil goes back over 400 years. The stories say that a mythical half-beast that haunts the Pine Barrens. The first of these stories goes back to the Native Americans who inhabited this region. In fact, the Native American name for the region is Popuessing which means place of the dragon.
The most popular of the explanations talks of a a woman, Mrs. Shrouds of Leeds Point, NJ. When Mrs. Shrouds discovered she was pregnant with her 13th child she cried "I hope it is a devil!" and she got her wish. The child was born with the head of a horse, wings, a tail and horns. Other stories say that Mrs. Shrouds was a witch and the father of the child the devil himself. There are several other versions, most of which feature poor Mrs. Shrouds.

Over the years there have been various sightings reported to local and state police agencies. More than a few artist renditions of the creature have been drawn, based on witness accounts.

(click here for a more detailed version of the story)

I am such a sucker for a scary story....tell me the old urban legends of your home town/state, make me shiver! ;)

Confessions

2005-08-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, a serious post for a change....

I've been thinking a lot about my parents lately. Don't know if it's out of guilt, for moving across the country and leaving them alone (well, my sister's in Delaware, only 45 minutes away, but still, I'm the oldest I just feel responsible for them - weird how that is, isn't it?), or just the fact that they're getting older, and that only means one thing: sooner or later, IT'S going to happen, and I'm absolutely terrified of it happening.

I know my Dad's got this "cat's 9 lives" thing goin on, and I've honestly lost count of what number he's on. Ever since I've been a teenager, he's had health problems. He retired early for health reasons, and my mom went back to work for several years, and now they're both retired. He's been in the hospital more times than I can count anymore, and we've almost lost him more than once. He's on about 20 different medications, he's always being called into the hospital for yet another test, and through it all he always, as a true southern gentleman does, puts on a happy face and swears up and down everything is ok, even if it isn't. I guess that's where I get it from, I find myself more times than not doing the same thing. It's the southern way. No matter how bad things seem, or get, you smile and act as if everything is 'peaches and cream.' I don't know if that's good or if it's bad, but it's what it is, with us.

Anyway, I call them every week and I absolutely dread hearing the "well, doctor so and so wants me to have (insert horribly either painful or uncomfortable test name here) this test, we'll let you know how everything turns out, but don't worry, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Here comes another guilty part: half the time, I don't want to know the answer. I'm scared as shit to find out. I don't do well in these kinds of situations - as I've said, my parents are southern and proper and honestly dealing with stuff like this, well it just doesn't happen, so I'm, well, not sure how. The one time I was able to overcome that was the one time we came REAL close to losing him.

To make a long story short, my parents were out to dinner for their anniversay, he was eating steak.... he choked. Luckily, there was a nurse sitting at the very next table, and an ambulance just happened to be driving by the restaurant when the call came out, but with all that, but the time he got to the hospital he was unresponsive, and by the time I got there (I was married at the time, and was out and didn't get the call right away), the doctors were saying that there's not much hope, go say goodbye. So, my mom and my sister and I went into the room and he was just laying there, motionless. I was scared shitless. I had a bad feeling that this was really THE time. At one point something started beeping in a way that the "flatline noise" beeps, and I started yelling for a nurse, thinking OMG he just died, and she came in and changed a tube and everything was fine.

I don't know why, but I went over and held his hand, and I said "I love you." All of a sudden it was like he bounced back to life, he started squirming and moving around and all of a sudden, there he was. Days later he had some temporary memory loss and was out of it, but all in all he recovered pretty damn close to the way he was before (mind you, not all that great but alive and in one piece). The doctors and nurses called him "the miracle," because no one expected him to make it. I don't know what part I played in that, but I feel that something happened when I held his hand.

So, now, I find myself, still wondering when that day will come. I find myself wanting to start writing down what I'd say at his funeral, even though I have no idea when that will be, but I want to have the perfect words written down, because I know I'd be in no shape to do it then. Is that sick? Morbid? I honestly don't know, I just feel that the only way I could do him justice is to find the perfect words to tell everyone what a wonderful and caring and giving man he is. He always comments that I always know how to find "the perfect card" whenever I send him a birthday, or father's day, or whatever card. I just hope I find the perfect thing to say then. I try to always tell him now that I love him, although I still can't be as open as I'd like to. Hopefully the day I'm fearing will be a long way away still. I'm just not ready yet.

Wassup!!??

2005-08-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

First off, I have a question:

Why does someone who smells horridly bad, who makes you want to vomit on their head to make them smell BETTER, not know that they smell?? Everyone else knows! You see their faces when they walk by said "smelly," they make "the face." But the smellee never knows they fucking smell!! Why is that?? I'd love to see someone walk up to a smelly and tell them straight to their face, "Shit, dude, you smell like shit?!"

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I couldn't sleep for shit last night - I don't know why, but I hardly ever sleep well on Sunday nights. I'm not worked up about work (haha), I'm not stressed about anything really, so what the hell??? I wanted to go to the gym this morning, but I'm too damn tired. Not a good way to start out the week.

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I spent a few hours yesterday on a boat, cruisin' the Columbia River, soakin up some rays, and drinkin a few Coronas. Gotta love that!! I met this guy last week, and he has a boat and took me out for a little spin. He's nice, funny, looks pretty good..... I'm not sure yet if things will ever get real serious, or if we're just going to hang out for a while and have some fun and see where things go.... in a way I like him and he's great, but I also kinda want to keep my 'options open.' Who knows? One day I'd love to figure all this shit out.

In one way, I would love to have someone "special" to spend holidays with, to go out to eat with, and to just have around. But, in the other way, I have really liked having my independence and am apprehensive about getting too serious or "tied down." I don't know if I ever want to get married or anything like that again, so I'm just not sure. Will I ever be sure??? Who the hell knows. Football season is about to start, and I'm just going to concentrate on that for now :)

SPEAKING OF FOOTBALL, don't forget that our FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT is this Friday, August 26 - don't forget!!!

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I watched "Sin City" this weekend - did anyone like this movie? I honestly really didn't. Quentin T. was a 'guest director' on it, and it had a "Kill Bill" kind of feel to it, but I just wasn't feelin it. I'd heard it was great, so I was excited to see it, but it just didn't do a thing for me.

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Frick!! I left two perfectly yummy pieces of pizza sitting on my kitchen table this morning - I forgot them. Dammit!!! I was so upset I actually considered driving the 1/2 hour back to get them :op I'm still considering it ;)

Are you good enough?

2005-08-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

After seeing Liz's post on the Good Wife's Guide a little while back, I figured I'd post a "Good Husband's Guide" that I found:

* Always make getting and keeping a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, bonuses and the potential for prestigious advancement your number one priority in life. Remember always that you have a wife and children who need your financial support, and that it is your responsibility to provide for them to the best of your ability.

Translation: Make lotsa money fucker, so I can sit home on my ass and watch TV and play on the Internet!

* Always arrive home refreshed and happy - put your bad day or your confrontation with your boss, the traffic, the crowds or the physical exhaustion you might feel aside and try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you possibly can. Your wife has been struggling with the children and the housework all day, she does not need to hear about how bad your day was.

Translation: Don't even come home and bitch to me, my day's always been ten times as worse and if you question me you can go fuck yourself, figuratively AND literally, because you won't be getting any from me.

* Be prepared to help with household chores when you get home - let your wife relax or talk on the phone since she has been dealing with these problems all day. Make supper for her often, and offer to clean up afterwards so that she may rest and feel appreciated.

Translation: Be prepared to deal with a stack of dirty dishes, hyperactive dirty children who haven't listened to me all day, because when you walk in the door my job is done. And by the way, you need to call my mother and explain why the fuck we're not going to her birthday dinner (obviously going to dinner with your asshole boss & his obnoxious wife is way more important than MY MOTHER!!)

* Do not bore your wife with stories of the troubles you faced at work today. Remember that you are lucky to have a job and that many other men would be happy to trade places with you. Remember that it is not masculine to complain or let worries trouble you. Your job is to provide, and whatever you must go through to achieve this is part of your lot in life. A good husband knows that he is lucky to have a wife at all, and that a woman wants a strong, silent man she can depend on.

Translation: I don't want to be married to a fucking whiner. Be a man, suck it up and kiss everyone's ass you have to in order to make sure that new Mercedes stays in the mothafuckin driveway. Otherwise, there are 10 other men who would kill to have me and my double-Ds.

* Never expect your wife to have contributed to the smooth operation of the household. She has had a busy day and cannot be expected to provide meals or clean clothes for you. Never insult her by asking her to do such things while you're out earning money. Be mindful always that your wife may think you are being sexist if you ask her to help make a home for your family as part of your partnership.

Translation: Either get me a maid (preferably a male one resembling Brad Pitt), or do it the fuck yourself. Chasing after those godforsaken kids is job enough and you should be happy that I do it rather than ship 'em off to boarding school.

* Be prepared to account for your whereabouts every minute of the day, including an explanation as to why you were away from the phone when she tried to call or why you were unable to chat with her for twenty minutes when she did get through to you. You must always put her interests first, and be mindful of her natural suspicion about her husband's activities. A good husband knows that men can't be trusted, and that a wife has every reason to believe you will hurt and humiliate her.

Translation: Don't think I don't have your office, car and phones bugged, and I'm GPS-ing your ass too. If I even catch you THINKING about that blonde in accounting I'll eat your nuts for breakfast. I already know every man on this earth things about tits & clits every second of every waking day, but if you so much as smile flirtingly at another woman... well, you won't need your dick anymore anyway, but if you are looking I'd check the blender.

* Do not grumble or gripe about handing over your paycheck to her - she is in control of your finances and knows better than you how to spend or invest your money. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you will - you have a family to think about now, and their needs must always come before your own.

Translation: Sorry, but that new boat you wanted? 50-inch plasma tv? New set of golf clubs? Few hundreds in the stripper's crotch? Nope, no can do. In fact, you best waltz your ass into your boss' office and ask for a raise, because I've gotten accustomed to designer clothes and massages and tennis lessons, after all it's hard being me!

* Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. She leads a hectic life and needs to feel listened to and appreciated. Never suggest ways in which she might solve whatever problem is vexing her. You need only listen; your suggestions are likely insensitive and unfeeling anyway. And do not counter with complaints of your own. She would love to have the chance to leave the house and work, she does not need to hear about how difficult your job is.

Translation: No matter how long I bitch, it's your job to sit and listen and tell me I'm right. No "yes, dear" bullshit either, I want specific and heartfelt feedback which means you better fucking listen to every fucking word I say. When you're not responding with caring and concern, you shut the fuck up.

* Be prepared to give up your weeknights or weekends to whatever projects or socializing your wife has in mind. If she has determined that cleaning out the garage or painting the upstairs bathroom would be the best use of your time, never complain that you would like to relax or pursue personal interests instead. She has every right to expect that you will make repairs to the house or help her redecorate during your time off. Do not be so selfish as to ask for personal time. You are a family man now, you do not have the luxury of personal time.

Translation: Let's just say I wouldn't suggest ordering NFL Ticket, you won't have time to watch football anymore. Your ass is mine. In fact, I think I may send you to the craft store and then stop by the grocery store on the way back to buy me some tampons.

* Always be prepared to take over in caring for the children when you get home from work. Your wife has been busy all day and deserves some quiet time. Allow her to watch television or chat with her friends on the phone, go shopping or simply relax. They are your children too, and it is unfair of you to expect to come home from a twelve hour day and simply put your feet up.

Translation: Once you set foot in the house, I am done. The kids are yours, and I don't want to hear one fucking complaint about it. It's your fault for knocking me up in the first place.

* Never grumble about having to support children you didn't want to have. If you were irresponsible enough to help her get pregnant, then it is your duty to pay for that child for the next eighteen years. If you decide to have sex, you must know that pregnancy may result and be fully prepared to take responsibility for it. This, of course, does not apply to her. She doesn't have to be responsible for her actions, and can abort a child she conceived any time she wants, whether this breaks your heart or not. Accept this stoically. She has the special privilege of being able to kill her unborn child, carry it to term and give it up for adoption, or have it and raise it all by herself if she wants, but you have the responsibility of simply living with whatever choice she makes and quite often paying for it, too. Remember, you have no right to be a parent and no right not to be a parent, you are just a man. A good husband knows his place.

This one's just too good to translate, it's fucking priceless!!!

Yo, Bitch Dog!

2005-08-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

I saw something in an email I got about stupid news stories that "52 Percent Of Americans Have Posed In Their Birthday Suits." Made me wonder what kind of other things you bloggers out there have done while nekkid (excluding sex of course)?

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Well, tonight is the infamous Pampered Chef party I blogged about earlier this month - I'll drink my way through it just fine ;) Wish me luck!!

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I thought I'd share another funny story I saw in the same email:

link

CHICAGO (AP) - LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish - a language she doesn't understand.

But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."

"I was like you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."

Govan said the only thing she did to Comcast employees that might be considered rude came after a few dozen calls when she felt she was treated shabbily. "I did tell them, 'You know what, it has to be a qualification to work for your company that you have to be rude,'" she said.

Govan said she talked to a supervisor and he offered her two months free service, which she turned down.

Finally Wednesday, about two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine in which the caller apologized.

Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened.

"We only use the actual customers names on the bill," said Patricia Andrews-Keenan, a Comcast spokeswoman.

Company officials went through the records and identified two people who were involved with the name change and fired them, Andrews-Keenan said. It's unknown why the employees did it.

In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to "Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes."

"I had no bad words at all. I guess the earliest letter is dated in May and from then on up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."

Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action.

A Peoples Energy spokeswoman called the letter inexcusable.

I googled bitch dog and found this LMAO:

Fort Knox!

2005-08-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

What are these fuckers made of??

Someone please tell me, because it sure as shit isn't regular old cardobard, let me tell you. The Fed Ex "dude," as I like to call him, came by the office today with one of these. It took me FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES to get it open!!! There are little tabs you're supposed to be able to pull on to open them up easily. They are on both sides of the box. Well, both ripped off immediately and I was then left to my own devices to get it open. It's too thick/hard for regular scissors to cut through; it's also too thick/hard to rip through. The glue they used to seal the boxes up could hold five elephants and/or George Bush's ego - in other words, strong-ass mothafuckin glue.

By the time I got it open I was so freakin pissed off I took out the few freaking pieces of paper put in said box (now tell me, why in the holy hell couldn't they just use a Fed Ex envelope!) and threw it at the attorney it was addressed to as I huffed by mumbling "fucking fed ex!"

What sends you into a violent rage at the office? Mine are too numerous to mention. The people are great, it's the little things like that which will send me to an early grave :)

It Ain't So Bad....

2005-08-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

bein a girl that is!!

I found this list, again because I'm too lazy to write about anything today :op I'll post something of the non-list persuasion tomorrow, promise!

I'd love to hear your comments on the other side of the fence, about men!!

40 Funny Reasons Why It's Wonderful To Be A Woman
1. When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.

2. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she'll think she's gay.

3. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

4. A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.

5. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because she was being emotionally neglected.

6. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time.

7. Women live longer than men.

8. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.

9. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.

10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).

11. There are times when chocolate is really the answer to all woman's problems.

12. Women don't feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.

13. A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

14. Women know the truth about whether size matters...

15. A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.

16. If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.

17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.

18. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

19. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

20. Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.

21. A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by changing her lipstick.

22. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.

23. Women don't have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.

24. If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she's cute.

25. Women can admit to others when they've made a mistake

26. If a woman cries, she's sensitive; if a man cries, he's a wimp.

27. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.

28. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mummy's boy.

29. Women can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a short woman's complex.

30. Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.

31. Women have total control over their eyebrows.

32. Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.

33. A woman's friend won't try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she's drunk.

34. A woman won't drive to Hell and back before she asks for directions.

35. Women aren't covered with hair like shag carpeting.

36. Woman don't feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.

37. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.

38. Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.

39. Women don't think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.

40. Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week

Lotsa Reasons

2005-08-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking On The Job

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

Feel free to add some of your own, this is just a list I found, and I'm too lazy today after 4 days off to write something :op

Shit of the Miscellaneous Variety

2005-08-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm thinking about it, where did the word "miscellaneous" come from? It's kind of a cool word, rolls off the tongue, nifty! as my parents used to (ok still do) say. I didn't care enough to look it up.

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What in the holy hell is wrong with people? Why do people insist on having big conversations in stores on their cell phones? Not only do they have these conversations, but they are kind enough to talk soooooooo loudly that the whole fuckin store can also hear the conversation? And it's not like a quick call home to ask if they can get brand Y because they're out of brand X, no sirree. It's intense, personal conversations where there seems to be a rule about screaming, i.e. do it often and as loud as you can!!!

I was at Home Depot last night, looking at a lamp, and there was this ..... I don't know the correct origin, but it was Asian, let's just say. He was with his son, I assume it's his son, and was wandering around the entire store, talking on his cell phone in some Asian-like language, so loudly that no matter where I went in Home Depot I could hear the guy. That ain't no small store, folks!! I swear I was this (just picture me holding two fingers about 1 millimeter apart) close to grabbing his cell phone out of his hand and throwing it against the wall.

I mean, is it really necessary? Can't you have these conversations in a private place? Do you want the entire store to hear your personal conversation? Or do you not care? Anyway fuckos (hahahaha Charlie stole your word!), knock it the fuck off!

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Fantasy Football: Don't forget, the draft is scheduled for Friday, August 26th at 1:00 p.m. Pacific (for those of you not math people, such as myself, that's (I think) 4:00 p.m. EST). If you can't be there for the draft, make sure to pre-rank your players if you want to before the draft date/time. If you don't know how to do that, let me know or just go to the site, it's pretty self-explanatory (if I can figure it out, trust me it's not that hard). If you can make the draft, to get there on draft day/time you just log onto Yahoo, go to Fantasy Football (the free one), and our league (if you joined) should be there on the page, click on the league name and there will be a "join live draft" link, I suggest showing up 5-10 minutes early, there is a chat thing where we can chat before it starts. Any questions, let me know. I can't believe football's about to start already!!!

The Young and the Wireless

2005-08-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is the title of an article I saw in Time Magazine's August 1 issue. Apparently, Walt Disney Internet Group, among other companies, are developing cell phones aimed at preteens. It comes loaded up the ass (not literally, now that wouldn't feel too good) with parental controls that prevent the preteens from dialing or receiving calls from numbers not parent-approved, some come with a GPfuckingS, so parents can literally track their kids - kidjack instead of lojack.

Well, folks, I don't even know where to start. I'm going to give the adult-mandatory lecture that when I was a preteen there was no cable TV, no PC, no CD, no MP3, no IPod, no cell phone, no fucking nothing. I sure as hell didn't have my parents following every move on a GPS-loaded phone (don't think for a minute they wouldn't have used that bad boy if given the opportunity, they did everything they could to try and control me, but in a very nice, polite, southern way :op).

Is this REALLY necessary?? Does a fucking 10 year-old need a cell phone? Shit, there are so many controls on it they can't really enjoy it anyway!! I guess from an emergency standpoint it's not a completely unfathomable idea, if they got in trouble (i.e. someone tried to hurt them or kidnap them) they could call, or if their soccer game got canceled after school and they needed to be picked up sooner, fine. I still just don't think it's that urgent for a kid to have one. And you KNOW as soon as they come out, with those catchy little commercials that all the kids will see, they will demand one from their parents or they will hold their collective breaths until they turn blue. But mooooooooommmmmmmmmm, Joey has one and all the other kids are getting one and I'll be the laughing stock of the entire school mommmmmm and then I'll get a complex and never be fully adjusted and it'll be all your fault mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!

What do you think, is this is a good thing or a bad thing?

Provoking some thoughts

2005-08-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

First things first:
I was so sad to hear about Peter Jennings' passing. He's been on the news since I've watched the news. RIP Peter, and thanks.
I feel a bit freaked out about this, just generally, because now that I'm 37 I'm starting to see people die (of old age or disease) that I've grown up watching on TV. Robin Williams, for example. He's what now, 53? He was in his mid-20's when I first saw him on Happy Days. Dick Clark is freaking 76!!! It's just mind-blowing when you start to think about it (I try not to, for sanity reasons).

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First things next: THIS is pretty funny, check it out - gotta love a good prank!!

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I have a couple questions for all of you, so answer honestly and we'll, like, discuss them and shit:

1. If you could find out the day, or year, or manner in which you die, would you want to know? For instance, if you found out you were going to die in 40 years of skin cancer, you could stay the fuck out of the sun and maybe try to avoid such a death? Or, if you found out you would die suddenly in a car accident, you could take the time to say goodbye to your loved ones, or say things you've always wanted to say to people, etc.

2. If you had the choice of winning one million dollars or living an extra 10 years (not knowing how long you will live), what would you choose? If it turned out you were destined to live to the age of 85, 10 extra years doesn't sound like too great a thing, right?

3. If you could spend one entire day with any celebrity or famous person, living or dead, who would you choose and why?

4. If you were elected President, what's the one thing you'd want to fix the most (since, well, George W has pretty much screwed it ALL up)?

5. If you were in a contest to win a million dollars and the person who lost out to you was a 20 year old paraplegic with no money, would you keep it or give it to the other person? (No, you couldn't share, it has to be all or nothing)

Tell me Tell me!

T&.... I mean Q&A

2005-08-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

Found this here and thought I'd share a little bit 'bout the wonder that is me:

1) CD in your car that you are embarrassed to admit that you have: Christina Aguilera - that one with the song "Fighter" on it, I love that song for some reason.

2) Song currently on the radio that you sing to in your car, that you are embarrassed to admit that you know the words to and like: Kelly Clarkson "Since You've Been Gone" (I know, I know, stop laughing! - don't necessarily like it that much, but I hear it on the radio so much I know the words by heart)

3) TV show(s) that you secretly watch that you are embarrassed to admit: Days of Our Lives (well, I DVR it) I started watching this soap when I was a teenager, every few years I get into it again and watch it for a few months, and then get bored with it again. I have no life, I have time to watch this shit :op

4) TV or Movie Star that you would sleep with but are too embarrassed to admit that you would, because he/she is not your “normal” type: Gary Sinise - there's just something about that guy that makes me hot.

5) Musician that you would sleep with but are too embarrassed to admit that you would, because he/she is not your “normal” type: The lead singer from Green Day - don't know why, just something alluring about him. God, I can't believe I just said that.

6) Secret single behavior that you do at home when alone but are too embarrassed to admit: Dance around naked while I get ready in the morning.

7) Admit HONESTLY what REALLY attracts you to the opposite sex at first site: It's all in the eyes, baby. You gotta have "the look." It's indescribable, just that look that says "hell yeah, there's chemistry there."

8) Even though you are not gay, admit HONESTLY someone of the same sex who you would have sex with if you were gay: Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner.

9) Name an Olympic sport that you are embarrassed to admit that you like watching: Figure skating. I've been watching skating since I was a little girl.

10) Have you ever masturbated in a public place? Um........ yeah, I guess you'd consider it a public place ;)

11) Have you ever had a job that no one knew about? If yes, what was it? Nope, my jobs have all been booooooring.

12) If you could be invisible for one day, who would you spy on? Our moronic president, to see what he really does in that office when no one's around.

13) Be honest… Have you ever had phone sex? Hell yeah!

14) Be honest… Have you ever hooked up with a friend of your gf/bf while you were dating? Unfortunately.

15) Have you ever hooked up with someone that you would never tell your friends? Don't think so, and if I did you'd have to heavily bribe me to find out ;)

Street Smarts

2005-08-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Holy shit this has been a bad morning. The street cleaners/sweepers took over Northwest Portland this morning. A few times a year the City of Portland gets this bright idea to clean the streets. Why, you ask? Because they dirty, goddammet!! A couple days before they put these big signs up everywhere, for about a 15-block radius (I work right in the middle of it, of course), so you can't park on the street between 7:30 am and 10:00 am so they can make the streets pretty enough to eat off of. Hey, homeless people can't buy dinnerware!!!

Let me stop here to talk about the parking situation out here. There fucking isn't any!! It's street parking, no parking lots anywhere remotely close. This isn't downtown, but about a mile north (assuming my horrible lack of a sense of direction is telling me right). It's a very trendy area filled with apartments, shops and restaurants/bars. Very neat area. Except there's no fucking parking!!! Every morning I have to try my damndest to time it right so that I arrive right when the people who live nearby leave for work, so I can snag a spot. Yes, it's that bad. Usually I can find something within a block or two. Today all that was blocked off (and if you dare park there anyway, your car will be towed within 2 minutes of leaving it unattended, they're waiting like vultures, daring you to try it).

So, I had to park about 6 blocks away from work, which doesn't sound like much, but at 7:30 a.m. before coffee - mildly annoying doesn't begin to cover it.

When I did finally get into work, I was rewarded with donuts from the Voodoo Bakery, we had our morning staff meeting and I got to cram in a couple donuts. Then I wanted to take a nap, so it probably wasn't the best idea. While we talked about cases and trials and shit we needed to get done a week ago, the street sweepers or cleaners were outside making Portland beautiful. The sound was deafening, we could barely hear ourselves chew!! Then, when we get done our meeting at 10 am, I walk really really fast the 6 blocks back to go get my car, so I can get a parking spot right outside the office. It's one of the few times I ever get a spot that close, and no one was going to fucking stop me. I was on a mission. So, hopefully, I worked off at least one donut with my little power walk. As I was power-walking, I looked down and realized that the streets weren't fucking clean!! They were just wet!! WTF!!!!!! They did this to us to just wet the fucking streets!???? I'm sorry for all the "fucks" but I was not a happy camper. Why even bother cleaning them if they're not even clean?

I decided I must run for Mayor of the City of Portland. This misjustice must be stopped, and I think I'm just the girl for the job. After all, I've got nice legs, I'll get more votes than the old wrinky guy ;)

A little too wireless

2005-08-04T13:22:00.000-07:00

There's at least one attorney in our office walking around with one of these bad boys, and it drives me nukking futz. You have to admit it looks a little too Star Trek for one thing, but also it's too f'in hard to tell when they're on the phone!! There's a small green light that lights up (very dimly, I might add) when he's on the phone. That's the only way I know, other than hearing him talking, and we have some very long-winded clients.

So the other day he walks over to the area I work in, with his back to me, and is sitting there looking through some medical records. I proceed to go into this long spiel about some depositions I'm trying to schedule with 5 different attorneys other than us (which is an enormous pain in the ass because they're all too busy and their calendars won't be open until 2047), talking for a good 30-45 seconds (which in legalspeak is an eternity, when he just walked away without acknowledging anything I said! Now the damn thing is on his head so much that I actually forget it's there half the time, so the thought that he might be on the phone didn't even enter my mind. So, I start to get up and walk after him, gearing up to give him a raft of shit about completely ignoring me and my very well-prepared rant(I usually just call him a loser Dallas fan, since, well, he is one :op), and he starts talking to whatever doctor's on the phone.

I mean, are these things REALLY necessary? Can't you be happy to sit at your fucking desk and talk? Do you really need to be mobile while you chat? I think not. It's bad enough I have to walk down the street and see people talking to themselves (well, seemingly, as they have those little cell phone ear thingys).

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We had a 'work lunch' today to welcome a new assistant to the firm - pretty much just a general excuse to go eat and drink for 2 hours. There's only usually 10-15 of us in the office at any given time, so it's not too big a deal to go. The two partners love this place, so 9 times out of 10 that's where we're going. Now I don't like seafood, so there's 2 different things on the lunch menu that I like (yeah yeah I know) - the jerk chicken, which is a little too spicy for me, and the burger, which rocks. The only problem is, every single time I order it well done and every single time it comes not even close to being well done. Why is this, you ask? Well pretty much every time someone else orders the same burger, but medium or whatever redness level they like (ewwwwwwwwww). They always switch the orders and give me the bleeding one. I even asked them today, "Are you sure you're giving me the well done burger," to which they replied "Yes." Fukkers!!! I motherfukkin got the bleeding one AGAIN!!! Unfortunately, by the time me and the other person realize this, we've both already taken a bite out of it. So today I'm trying to cut out the bit part and switch burgers at the other end of the table. Let's just say 2 glasses of wine later I didn't care too much anymore :op

Alarming!

2005-08-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

First things first: still need one more team on our Blogger Fantasy Football Team on Yahoo, so someone else sign the F up - NOW!! :op I mean that in the nicest possible way ;)

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I am developing a very deep hatred for car alarms. At my office, I have big window (as does one of the attorneys I work for) on the south wall (at least I think it's south, who the fuck knows) which provides me with a breathtaking view (assuming you, like I, have superpowers and can see through the wall o'bushes (for privacy?)) of the office building about 75-100 feet away. They've been doing construction of some sort there every since I've worked here -- I started here in February, 2003 -- (kind of like the Philadelphia International Airport, it's been under construction doing God knows what ever since I've freaking lived there, which was from 1970 to 2001!!!) and it's finally close to being finished. Thank friggin God, the noise was just unbearable. I'm trying to type dictation with my cute little stylish headphones on (ok they're not stylish, nor cute), and all I can hear is machines pounding the living shit out of something for hours on end.

Now, that rant was not the subject of my post, I, well, just had to get it off my chest, ok? The purpose of this post was to rant about something else.... car alarms. I hate them. In fact, I fuckin' hate them. There.

Whatever machines they're using over there, at this office building...car alarms apparently don't like, and seem to want to voice their displeasure, seemingly right in the general direction of my window. Every single day I can count no less than 10 times that car alarms go off. TURN YOUR FUCKING ALARMS OFF PEOPLE!! When are you gonna get a clue? They sound incredibly annoying and just keep going and going and going and going.....kind of like this dude

I am at my wit's end. Seriously, I'm going to go out there with a shotgun, and soon, and silence these beasts once and for all.

And, to make it worse, it's following me!!! My new apartment, the bedroom in particular, faces the parking lot in the back of my building. It's a huge window, vertically speaking, and starts at about a foot off the floor and goes all the way up to the ceiling. Nice, huh? You'd think! Except when car alarms go off. Doesn't happen as often, but it does happen, and I swear it's the same fucking sound, and it's making me crazy. Well, ok, crazier!

My thought is this: can't they make the alarm sound pleasing to the ear (as the guy from American Idol said, Ear Delicious)? Can't you say, for instance, have it play your favorite song? You'll still know it's your alarm, right? And it won't make everyone else want to punch you, hard, right? So, ya with me?!? Any other ideas? This travesty must stop.

Party Pooper

2005-08-01T22:08:00.000-07:00

A tragedy has fallen upon us, my friends.....

Brace yourselves, grab your children, your pets, and your sanity,
and RUNNNNNNNNN!!!!

Well, I just may as well come out and say it.

I just got an invitation to one of those Pampered Chef parties....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, for it's not my intent.... but, I honestly HATE HATE HATE those types of parties. I avoid them like the plague, for no other reason than, well, I just hate them. Do I really need a reason? I don't like showers (wedding or baby showers, I DO bathe goddammit :op), or candle parties, or Pampered Chef parties, or anything of the like. The mere thought of such things sends my brain into an instand coma-like state, and it takes a hell of a lot to get me out of it and back into what I would consider a normal frame of mind. I don't really care for PC small talk, or talking about little Joey doing this or that (only because I don't have kids, if I did I'm sure I'd feel differently), or about what great new recipe will add Zing! to your next dinner party. It's just not me. I did go to a lingerie party once, many years ago (probably 10), and that was surprisingly fun - particularly because they made me model the lingerie, so at least I had something to do :op. I wouldn't mind going to a 'sex toy' party, now that I could handle :op.

If they had THIS at one of these parties, damn fuckin straight I'd show up!!!

In any event..... in the rare instance I get invited to such things (anyone who knows me usually stops asking me eventually :op), I usally just make up some lame excuse as to why, at 30 minutes before it's scheduled to start, (after trying unsuccessfully to force myself into the car and "Just Do It") I "suddenly can't make it." I feel like shit doing it, but not as bad as I'd feel actually going. So.....Is there a polite way to tell someone that you appreciate the invite, but just ain't into it, not one iota, I'd rather get root canal than go type of thing? I guess it also depends on how well you know the person having the party, I suppose. I'm such a chicken shit when it comes to telling someone something like that, I'll usually make up some completely lame-ass excuse before I'd just be truthful and say that I just don't wanna go, and I'd much rather be home (or at a bar even) watching baseball and drinking a beer. I'm not completely anti-social, I'm just a tom-boy (but a damn cute one!! lol), and just don't like those 'happy housewife' parties. I suppose if it were a very good (and fun, and I don't mean in a Beaver Cleaver's mom sort of way) friend having the party and I know it would be more fun than usual, then I could maybe possibly if I had a drink or two in me suffer through it (lol aren't I awful?), but most of them are, you must admit, suck-ass lame. I think I've over-used "lame" in this post, but fuck it, it's my post and I can do what I want so there (sticking my tongue out at all of you :o)).

So that's my lame (shit, there I go again!) take on showers and 'those' parties. Am I horrible? Twisted? I need to go watch Sports Center before my brain explodes!!

How does it measure?

2005-07-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

There is news here in Oregon: Link

Lawmakers in Oregon want to make a lot of cold and allergy medicines that contain pseudoephedrine available only by prescription, because of the growing meth problem (that ingredient is used to make meth, apparently).

I am a little torn by this. I think it's great that they are really cracking down on what's become an obvious problem. However, on a personal level, this really sucks, just because I buy this

on a regular basis - it's the only thing that even comes close to helping my sinus headaches (unfortunately, it's probably not great for my blood presure - shit I sound like an old fart!! ;op). As it is now, to get this I have to go to the pharmacy section of the grocery store or drug store, wait in huge lines (evidently I'm not the only one who uses this stuff), and I have to show ID and wait for the clerk to casually and I stress the word CASUALLY enter all my information into a log to make sure I'm not a crazed meth dealer looking to cook up some shizzit. So, a quick trip turns into a 15 minute (minimum) ordeal. And I only buy one box at a time (I used to buy two, that way I didn't have to go as often), because buying more than one gets them even more suspicious, and they have to check another log book for my name to make sure I'm not, again, a crazed meth dealer.

Now, they're saying I'm going to have to go my doctor first and get a prescription? Holy shit, this is just a lot of fucking work on my part. Why am I being punished for these meth freaks' actions? :op

So, I don't know anything about meth, or making it. What I want to know is, are there alternatives to this ingredient for meth-makers? If they make it that hard to get pseudoephedrine will meth production stop immediately? Or, will they, as they usually do, just find another way? Is this really going to make a difference? If I'm going to be further inconvenience, it sure as shit better.

Straight from the Horse's Mouth

2005-07-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

Did you ever feel like you were two different people? Ya know, the 'you' people see, and the 'you' people don't see, that you hide? I admit, I sometimes act differently around certain people than I do around others, and even differently when I'm all alone (I tend to avoid running around naked in public places :op). I have a bad habit of trying to be a 'blender,' trying to blend into any situation or surrounding, any group of people. I guess cuz I just want to be liked or something, but hey I'm pretty likeable, right? lol I can adapt to pretty much anything, given a little time. What is hard for me is being thrown into unfamiliar surroundings and having to instanteously adjust. I'm not real quick "on the fly," but I can adapt and get used to pretty much anything.

My parents are from the South, and therefore I've always been taught to "put on a happy face" no matter how I really feel. It's the southern way, ya know? It's funny how these habits your parents either teach you or show you by example stick with you for years and years and years.

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Thought/question for Friday:
Why are all shuttles and missles and bullets shaped like dicks??? Just wonderin' :op

Fantasies & Tongues

2005-07-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

Just imagine her and Gene Simmons together.... or not :op

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YAHOO FANTASY FOOTBALL IS READY!!

If you know what you're doing, just go register your team under the league I set up. The league ID # is 274991, password is "fantasy."

For those of you who are new at this, here are detailed instructions on what to do (just email me if you have any questions):

Go to www.yahoo.com (if you're already registered on Yahoo, sign in first, if not you can register first (self explanatory, easy to do), there's a list of services on the main Yahoo page starting with "Autos" - click on "sports." Toward the top right-hand corner is a link for "Fantasy" (how could ya pass that one up, right?), click there. See the big "Rekindle the Rivalries" link at the top? Click on "sign up now" below it. Look for the link for "Free Fantasy Football" on the right hand side, click on "Join a League." Then it'll take you to a page where you click on "Join Custom League." That's where you enter the ID and password. It'll the prompt you to select a 'team name' and a few other options. Do that, and you're done! If you're a regular Yahoo user, there should be a link to your football league and team on your "My Yahoo" page, if you're not, you can get to your team/league by going to this link: http://fantasysports.yahoo.com/

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So.....do you ever see something on sale at the grocery store, and feel compelled to buy tons and tons of it?

When I was younger, my dad would do just that. He knew I liked Coke, so when it went on sale he'd literally buy like a dozen 2-liter bottles of it. He'd line them up ever so neatly on the floor, against the wall, in the kitchen... kind of like the Great Wall of Coke. Once it got down to about 3 bottles, he'd head off to the store (going to the same store, the exact same way, parking in almost the exact same spot - and still does, I'm afraid) to replenish the supply. Even if I stopped liking said Coke, for example, he'd continue to buy it anyway!

I find myself doing just that, at times, now. I can't run out of anything. I love this ice cream, and when I am about 3/4 of the way done a container I feel compelled to run to the store and get a new one.

It's like a sick obsession. Don't even get me started on the beer category. This is why I'm so a Type A.

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Speaking of Type A, what if I want to trade this horrible label in for a bright, shiny new Type B model? I'm sick of being uncontrollably stressed all the time, over stupid ass shit like whether or not I should run to the store at 11 pm to stock up on said ice cream, when there's 1/4 container left and I'm don't even want any right now!! When I'm in my car headed to the store to get a sandwich, and stressed about hurrying to get there because I'm worried that the minute I park and get out of my car, they'll have just sold the last of whatever shit it is I want in my sammich, and I'll have to go without? As if this is the ONLY place left to get food in the free world??? (So, instead of singing the classic Donny & Marie hit (ask me how I know this and I'll slap you), "I'm a little bit couuuntry, I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll....", I should be singing instead, "I'm a little bit OCD, I'm a little bit ADDDDDDDDD..." Catchy, aint it?

Now I've seen everything

2005-07-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

First off.... anyone interested in putting together a "blogger" fantasy football league on Yahoo? I love fantasy sports, I'm addicted. Every baseball and football season I usually have 5 different teams going at once - yes, it's sad. Anyway, if anyone's interested let me know, if we can get 10 or 12 people/teams together, I'll set up a league. It's free, and easy (that is, if you know anything about football :op - you don't have to be an expert, just know the basics, and at least some of the players).

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I was doing a search (google, where else?) to find the name of the space shuttle that crashed in, what was it, the 80's? Damn, you think I'd remember the name of it and the year, given I watched it happen live. I am embarrassed about this!!!

Anyhoo, in my search I came across this bullshit:

Said Bullshit

I was going to copy & paste it here, but you have to go see it, and see how they highlighted all the 6's. It's evil I tell ya!! :op
We're allllllllll dooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmeddddddddddddd!!!!

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I think this chick is doomed too, but for an entirely different reason:

New Beginnings

2005-07-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

Shit, did I spell 'beginnings' right? Does ever happen to you, when you're looking at a word on a screen (or, ya know, the old fashioned way, that paper stuff) and you're pretty sure it's spelled right, but it just doesn't look right? It can even be a simple 3 or 4 letter word. Like weird for instance :op

Well, I'm all moved in, and 80% done, just have to hang some pictures and get the kitchen table & chairs in here, and clean up my desk, it's the one thing I've been avoiding, stuff is just shit-piled on here. I love my new place!! It's a bit weird, just b/c I haven't spent a great deal of time living 'on my own,' just about 6 months in between breaking up with my ex and moving out here to Portland. It's nice though.... I'm one of those people who can spend time along and not get all freaky. I do know peole who can't spend one single minute alone, they always need someone around. I find it very relaxing, and as Type A as I am, I need to relax :op

I took the day off of work today, against my better judgment. My boss starts a trial today and we're super busy, but I just needed an extra day to just let all this sink in, and get everything done, since I'll be gone Wed - Fri this week dog/house sitting. I deserve a day off goddammit! :op I haven't taken a day off - vacation or sick day - since last December. I only think I've taken 1 or 2 sick days total in the 2 1/2 years I've been there. So, fuck it!! :o)

So, how do you guys like my new 'skin'? It's weird referring to it that way. For those of you who watched the old TV series "Roswell," that word is a little unnerving :op I've been contemplating doing this, making a change, for a while, and I've been working with Seven for a few weeks now getting it ready for show & tell. I'd recommend him to anyone who's looking for a change (although most of you already have cool 'skins' already!), he's awesome!!

So, I sit here, 9:30 on a Monday morning, taking the day off from work (Yeah, Baby!), sipping some coffee, and checking blogs, on the morning of what's to become yet another gorgeous, perfect Portland summer day (80 - 90 degrees, NO humidity, blue skies). I'm sure I'll be singing another tune tomorrow when I'm at work and busy as hell, but, for now, life is good!

Rollin Rollin Rollin

2005-07-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm rollin the handtruck down the block to my new apartment. I'm moving, finally!! I'm excited, but I'll be glad when all the moving is done, I forgot how much work it is! There's shit everywhere. Most of the kitchen stuff I bought new (I just used my roommates' stuff until now), so I have to wash everything and figure out where to put everything....

I'm just takin my time, as I have off on Monday too (against my better judgment, work is sooooooo busy!) Got a BBQ tomorrow night, and I'm sure I'll be ready for a beer & a burger, since tomorrow's my biggest moving day (all the heavy stuff).

Wish me luck! The Comcast guy is coming tomorrow, so hopefully everything will be up and running. Anyhoo, I may not be around for a day or two, so have fun without me, and don't do anything I wouldn't do ;)

I'll be unveiling a surprise soon! :)

Anti-Anterial

2005-07-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am an ant killer. Victoria the Ant Slayer, master of Lysoling ants to death. I take a break every minute or so from typing this, grab my trusty (and almost empty) can of Lysol, put my finger on the button, aimed and ready to blast anything that moves across the floor beneath me. Do they sell 'ant-killing fatigues'? If so, they're mine! I've told the ants (yes, we communicate dammit!) in no uncertain terms that they either have to get the fuck out or I'm going to Lysol them to death. They didn't listen, now they must suffer the consequences. See, I'm not cold-hearted. I gave them a fighting chance, and as we all know, ants ain't stupid. They just underestimated me and my Lysol. There are 6 more cans upstairs, so I'm fully armed, lock & loaded if you will. For, my friends, this is war. So, by now, my floor (carpet and otherwise) is so goddamn disinfected you could probably eat off it. Well, except the fucking ants would take your food!! They are greedy bastards, aren't they?

It's now become an obsession. When I see one ant-running in any direction except to get the fuck out, my eyes glaze over. My adrenaline starts pumping, and I am ready to make my move. Bet they wish now they hadn't messed with me.

So I can't eat, I'm breathing Lysol all day long (it feels kinda good, actually), I can't concentrate and my blood pressure is probably higher than it should be. Yet, there's such a calming sensation in knowing I am strong, and I have won. Yet, it's also bittersweet, I mean how many ant lives have I taken? How many ant mommies and daddies won't be going home to their ant-children today? Have some escaped my wrath so that they can go back to their ant-condo and warn the others not to come??? I sure as shit hope so.

Can you forget to breathe and well, not die?

2005-07-20T11:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get so crazed at work that I literally feel like I forget to breathe. I'm Type A all the way, and I get easily worked up, frustrated and overwhelmed, but I pull it together and get the job done, and done right. It's the in-between stuff that sucks. And I wonder why I have high blood pressure! :op Between implementing this new case management system and doing day to day work, and moving on Friday, I'm about to freak.the.hell.out!

I actually had a "first" yesterday - I went to two stores, Target and Walmart, and didn't buy one single thing!!! Yes folks, it's a miracle!!! I realized that the entertainment center I have, which is HUGE, won't fit into my new living room. So, I need to buy a smaller one or a TV stand or armoire to put my TV etc in. I went to Target, saw a couple I liked but were a little more than I wanted to spend. So, I figured I'd check Walmart before making my decision (that in and of itself could take forever). I checked both places out online; since I need to have it in my hands, and put together, by Saturday morning, ordering online won't work, it'll take too long or cost a fortune to get it shipped that quickly. I found a few I liked at Walmart, but God I hate going to that store. Total pain in the ass. So, I figured I'd sleep on it and get one tomorroe (being today). So, I went in and went out of both stores without buying one goddamn thing. Now THAT's a miracle!!

I am starting to spaz about moving. It doesn't seem like a lot of work when, well, you don't have to do it yet. But I've started packing up my books and stuff, and it's all starting to sink in. With this, and with work, I am totally freakin! I don't even have a whole lot of stuff (the majority of the furniture is my roommates' stuff, so I need to buy a lot of my own stuff), but still, enough to make me ill lol. I haven't even been to the gym that much, with everything else going on there just isn't time. I hate that!

I just heated up my leftover lasagna from the lunch with Boo, JP and Raven, and encountered something 'strange' within the meatballs.... I'm not sure what it is, could be mushroom or God knows what else, but it completely grossed me out and now I can't eat the rest of it - Mochi, the adorable office dog, is helping me, doesn't seem to bother him any.

Not to mention there's a big bee up in the kitchen so I'm afraid to go back up there (I HATE bees), and I found about 25 or so ants under my desk crawling around, so I Lysoled them to death and are killing the few straglies around as I find them. I am grossed out beyond belief and still fuckin hungry!!!

I bought a cheap-o set of computer speakers for my computer FINALLY the other day, and actually put them in myself and they work!! Somewhere, someone loves me :op

mmmmmmm Lasagna

2005-07-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got to meet Boo and Raven for the first time. JP and I met them in downtown Portland at Romano's, an Italian place I loooooove.

Poor Boo, we exchanged phone calls throughout the morning, trying to figure out when and where to meet (given I can't make a decision to save my freaking life, it was a task, trust me). We finally get a time and place (I had since gotten in touch with JP to see if he wanted to go), and I drive my minivan (don't even go there, I know I'm cool and single and childless and there's no way on God's green earth I should have a minivan, but that's another story for another time) downtown and actually find a good parking spot. We meet up out front, and Raven was nice enough to take this picture for us:

It was great meeting them - we talked about Boo's travel adventures (and I thought I had it bad, lol!) and Raven's military stories (they are incredible and very interesting!), and JP and I argued like brother & sister the entire time whilst I stuffed my face with bread and twice baked lasagna with meatballs (severe drool). We got the "peasant bread," or more like the second round, and I went to cut it into 4 sections, one for each of us, rather than just rip it apart with my hands (ya know, they didn't know me, and although my hands were clean I was trying to be ya know, polite & shit :op). The waiter was still standing there and proceeded to 'scold' me and make fun of me for cutting it - I felt like a total dork, and well I guess I am one, officially now! ;o)

I was so glad she & Raven could stop in town to meet us. I almost didn't go - work was soooooo busy I thought, no way can I get away for 90 minutes, but I said fuck it, I'm going and I don't care, how often do I get to meet fellow bloggers! It was well worth it, they are great people and I hope some more of you can get your asses out here so we can do lunch!!

My head is going to explode!

2005-07-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

This was actually typed last Thursday LOL, I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to post it!! :op

Or, I wish it would anyway. Work's been so busy I can barely keep up, and tomorrow a trainer is coming from out of state to spend the day training us and setting up ProLaw. Since I'm the "manager," I have to know everything about it, get all the information entered (all our clients, cases, experts, treating docs, attorneys, etc etc etc etc to oblivion). I'll be spending the entire weekend here, at the office, taking care of all of this. I think the attorneys I work with (3 in all) will be popping in at various times, but I think I'll be doing the brunt of the work. Which, in a way, is good, because I'm worried about everyone kind of doing it "their own way" and things getting all disorderly, and I don't like disorder :op One of the attorneys is having a big party at his house on Saturday night, so once I'm done I can head over for a drink, or 5. I'm also pulling double dog-sitting duty on Saturday. I'm still watching Cinder, the chocolate lab, and staying as his "mom & dad's" house, but on Saturday I'll leave him home (he stays home all day alone, so he's used to it) and go pick up another dog, the Mochster (a bichon I absolutely adore), and bring him to the office with me while I work. Pretty busy day!!!

I had 2 tickets for Mariners/Orioles games this weekened in Seattle, but obviously I'm not gonna be able to go. I was able to sell both of em on Ebay, although at less than half the price I paid. Oh well, better something than nothing, I guess. They were good seats, I'd hate them to have to go to waste.

On Sunday after I work again, I have to run back to Cinder's house, pack up all my stuff that I've had there over the week, go home and start packing to move that coming Friday.

I haven't gone to the gym at all this week, which is rare for me - I've been pretty tired this week and have had a HUGE headache (comes with the 'monthly' barrell of laughs they call menstruation), and with work being so busy I've decided to just take the week off and concentrate on work. I've been taking Cinder for 3 20-minute walks a day, so at least I'm getting some exercise. I've been eating like a pig though - I am stuffing food in my mouth at a rate that would shock you, seriously.

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Ok it's now Monday. The trainer came on Friday, and we get to talkin and turns out she's from PHILLY!! Of course we hit it off instantly and it was a very productive, albeit long ass day. My head was about to explode from all this new information.

Saturday I came into work to get started converting all of our computer files to the new system. It took a lot longer than I thought, and by 2:30 I realized that I'd have to work 24/7 for an entire week, just on this, to even begin to get it all done. So, I left to get ready for a party - one of the attorneys was having a party at his place, so I went home, got changed, walked the dog and drove over. I figured I'd just stay a couple hours, come home and hang out with the dog and watch Big Brother (I'm soooo hooked on that show). Well I ended up leaving at midnight after about 4 glasses of wine (or that's at least when I stopped counting). The attorney is a huge wine guy so there was just bottle after bottle after bottle. It was fun, everyone from work was there so we all hung out and had a good time.

I felt like COMPLETE SHIT the next morning when I woke up. I know I didn't drink THAT much, what the hell was in that stuff??!! I kept getting "Leviathan" flashbacks, anyone remember that movie? I was waiting for an alien thing to come pushing out of my chest. Felt like something was going to be coming up, in any sense lol. But, the dog's owners got home, so I went home, slept for an hour, and felt a lot better after that. I kept finding myself walking down to the end of the building to peek through the windows at my apartment-to-be - I can't wait!! I move this Friday - forever it seemed like it was years away, and now all of a sudden it's, well, in 4 days! I'm so psyched it's not even funny. I will miss my roommates though, but shit I'm only about 50 feet away.

I'm supposed to meet up with Boo (and someone else, in my brain fried state I can't even remember who, LOL) today for lunch, should be cool!!!

A New Nation

2005-07-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

An "open letter" I got by email (meant to be a joke, so don't get yer panties in a bunch :op)

NEW CALIFORNIA BLUE STATES NATION!

Dear Red States

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided ... we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken
Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too.
You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California

Make it a Red Death, please

2005-07-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

This is THE drink to have when getting sloshed @ Phil & Eddies in Wildwood. Or, at least it used to be, say, 15 years ago? It fucking rocks. It tastes like Hawaiian Punch or Kool Aid and is LOADED with alcohol - it's by definition a Kamikazee and an Alabama Slammer mixed together. You HAVE to try one. Problem, is, they're like Lays: you can't have just one. Then, you can't stand up. It's all downhill from there, but it's a fun ride.

Red Death
- 1 oz Vodka
- 1 oz Triple Sec
- 1/2 oz Lime Juice
- 1/2 oz Southern Comfort
- 1 oz Amaretto
- 1/2 oz Sloe Gin
- 1 splash(es) Lemon Juice

Directions/Comments: Mix together, shake, and pour into large shot glass(es). This is an East coast drink. It is essentially a kamakasi and an Alabama Slammer mixed together (the easiest way to tell a bartender how to make it). It should taste just like Hawaiian Punch when done correctly. The effects, though, are quite different!

What are your favorite mixed drinks??

If you were sly enough to invent a cool new drink, what would you call it?

Slippin through the cracks

2005-07-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

How does this happen?? I really want to know. How can you have 6 or 7 DUI's and still be on the fucking road WITH A VALID DRIVER'S LICENSE!!? I just don't get it. That asshole should not only have his license permanently revoked (if that'll even do any good), but be spending a significant amount of time in either detox or in jail, or both.

I can see someone making a mistake, it happens. I've done some very stupid shit when I was younger. Hopefully when someone does make a first mistake, they get the shit scared out of them getting busted, and never do it again.

It's a friggin miracle he hasn't killed anyone yet. And usually when they finally do get into a fatal accident, it's not them that gets killed.

Anyone else want to beat the shit out of that guy?

Rut Roh

2005-07-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here on a Sunday morning, watching Fox News Live, and this hurricane hitting Pensacola, FL and/or Mobile, AL looks to be pretty damn bad. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone in its path, I hope it turns out to be less dangerous than they're saying. A very good friend of mine has lots of friends and family in that area, and I hope they all come out of this just fine, and without sustaining too much damage.

Take care everyone!

What a show

2005-07-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the Jason Mraz/Alanis Morissette concert at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. It's an amazing theater in Portland that opened in '84, but was originally the Portland Public Theater built in '28 (or so I'm told, as I was not only not alive but not in Portland :op). This place is absolutely INCREDIBLE - it's absolutely gorgeous, and the acoustics are amazing. Given this concert was the acoustic Jagged Little Pill tour, it was the pefect place for it. Very intimate, only 2,776 seats. I'd never seen Alanis, and was totally psyched! I had Mezzanine seats, which were up pretty high, but in a place like that there's really not a bad seat.

I got me a Sapphire & tonic, sat down and enjoyed the show. Jason Mraz opened first, and he was great. Has a great voice, and is funny as hell too. Half the time he's signing his heart out and the other half he's up there telling jokes, being silly and having a good time. I've heard his songs on the radio and always thought he was pretty good, but I had no idea how good that guy could sing. Really amazing.

Alanis was absolutely amazing. Her voice is phenominal. She's a bit wiry, half the time she was stading there flailing limbs left and right or walking randomly and pretty damn fast around the stage, but hey whatever works. The stage setting was neat, it was made up to look kind of like a vintage living room, there were oriental rugs on the floor, sofas and even a pink stuffed bunny sitting in a chair. Kinda cool - I'd never been to a show like that. Most of the shows I've been to were large venues, not intimate like that.

There were 3 video screens, one at the top and two on the side, showing videos and background visuals for the songs. At one point, while doing "Hand in My Pocket," there was video playing of a litlte white dog sticking his head out the window of a moving car, tongue hanging out and having a great time. After the song was over the dog came bounding out from behind the stage (well, on the side), did a lap around the stage and ran backstage - it was too cute. Alanis went and got him, introduced him to the crowd, put him down and he tore like a bat outta hell off stage.

There were a few encores, "You Oughta Know," "Ironic" and .... shit I forget the other one!

All in all a great show!!

************************

Tomorrow I start dog/house-sitting for a week, so I might not be around as much as normal.... work's been hella busy (we're converting our entire case management system and yours truly was dubbed the "project manager," so I gots me a lot of work ahead). I'll do as much as I can, I love reading all your blogs!

Yes, no or FUCK NO!

2005-07-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

First off, I want to express my heartfelt sympathy to everyone who was affected by the London attack. The assholes that did this will hopefully be held responsible for what they did. When will they realize that killing innocent civilians is the wrong way? My wish is that this realization will come, and come soon.

******************************

Man lights himself on fire to propose to his girlfriend

GRANTS PASS, Ore. - To prove his love, a 38-year-old man set himself on fire before getting down on one knee and asking his girlfriend to marry him.
About 100 people gathered to watch Todd Grannis perform the flaming stunt on Monday, which involved wearing a cape soaked in gasoline.

Grannis climbed up a 10-foot scaffold, was set on fire and then plunged into a swimming pool, dousing the blaze.

Emerging unscathed, he got down on one knee and proposed, as a friend standing nearby slipped him the engagement ring.

"Honey, you make me hot," he told his sweetheart, Malissa Kusiek. "I hope I'm getting the point across that I'm on fire for you."

Kusiek, who has been dating Grannis for several years, said "yes," but added that she was a little angry because of the danger.

"At first I was mad, because I thought, 'He's not a stuntman,"' Kusiek said. "Then, of course, the tears started flowing. Of course I said yes. I was so thrilled."

Grannis said he came up with the stunt through the help of his friend, professional stuntman Eric Barkey. Barkey pulled out a photo of himself on fire and said, "You could do that," Grannis said.

Grannis met Kusiek, the owner of a local hair salon, when she cut his hair.

"I kept telling her sometime before I'm 50," said Grannis, who co-owns an Internet wholesale company. "She wasn't expecting it. She had no clue."

You're fucking kidding me, right? Someone I don't think she'll have to worry about him ever cheating on her. Who could he find?

This made me think of stupid things I'm sure most people have done to either attract, keep, or even get rid of, their spouse, significant other, whatever. Have you ever done anything completely crazy, or completely out of character, for the benefit of a mate?

*******************

I just bought a bottle of this, and I'm gonna have me some fun :o)

I wanted to buy a bottle of this, but I stayed on the more frugal side:

****************************

I went out to the grocery store tonight, and stopped in the flatware section to see if any Oneida flatware was on sale, because I needed another set of 4. Holy shit, I hit the jackpot! Not only was it on sale, but the set I'd been eyeing, which was $30 for a set of 4, was just put on clearance for $22 and then an extra 40% off that, so I got it for around $13! I had to get 2 at that price!! :o) I of course had the CART FROM HELL. It only made left hand turns. I didn't notice too much inside the store, I guess I was making a lotta lefts, but when I got out into the parking lot.... that motherfucker would NOT turn right and I needed to make 2 sharp rights to get to my car. That was an experience, let me tell you.

*****************************

Woooohoo Big Brother starts tonight, I'm psyched!! There are some seriously good lookin people this year, it's just sickening. This is another stupid reality show I'm addicted to. Last year was the first year I saw it, and it was kind of by accident. Doesn't take much :op

*****************************

My responses to Jenn's questions:

1. How was the baseball game yesterday?

Which one? With MLB Exra Innings I watch so many at once I barely know how one specific game is going :op I think I need help!

2. Why don't you have some 25 year old love slave? You are young, beautiful, and single you should!

That's a little too young, you know how immature guys are :op However, a love slave is definitely something I'd be up for. Unfortunately, I can't get a date to save my life! ;o) Maybe I should start interviewing women instead? ;op

3. What is the most embarassing moment so far in your life?

Ya know, I can't honestly think of one! Not to say that there aren't any, I'm sure there are just too many to count :op OH wait, I just thought of one! I had just started driving, and me and my friend headed up to Roosevelt Blvd. to go to an all-ages rock show. I didn't know where I was going (big surprise there), I got into the club's parking lot and thought I was going down a narrow 'driveway' only to find out after it was too late that I was driving on the curb, my car about 6 inches away from the side of the building!

4. Do you ever wish you had kids?

In some ways yes, in some ways no. I feel like I'd seriously be missing out, living my life without having kids. If I met a guy who loved me, who really wanted kids, and would be around to help and enjoy it with me, I'd probably do it in a heartbeat. But, after spending time with friends and their kids....as adorable as they are, I don't know if I could stand it 24/7 :o)

5. How did you wind up in Oregan?

I found the courage to split up with my ex (although I did it in a really shitty way) back in Philly, lived on my own about 6 months, was having trouble affording everything on my own, wasn't happy, needed a change, had a 2 hour commute to work EACH WAY.... one of the attorneys in my office talked about how gorgeous Oregon was. He gave me some of his frequent flyer miles and I spent a few days out here and fell in love with it. A few months later I said fuck it, I'm moving out here, I need a change. I spent another week out here, applied at a few law firms and got a job rather easily. I've been here 4 years this September. I can't believe it!!

In the Zone, Baby

2005-07-06T20:00:00.000-07:00

Remember my post yesterday about my day from hell? Well it spilled over into this morning. We had a firm outing scheduled at work, a day-game at PGE Park, where the Padres AAA team, the Portland Beavers, were playing the Tacoma Rainiers. My boss was nice enough to rent a field box for us (holds 22 people, literally right on the field, it's way cool).

So, I have on a nice pair of jeans and a new pink t-shirt. When I get into work this morning, I took a can of soda, from a 12-pack I keep at my desk, upstairs to the firm's kitchen on the 2nd floor. I'm about to put it in the fridge when I accidentally dropped it. Normally you just have to not open it for a while, so it won't explode on you, right? Well, this is me we're talkin about here. So, as it falls to the floor, immediately on impact it EXPLODES like I've never seen a soda explode before. It was a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper (yes, Sharron, I thought of you when this happened!!! :op) and it went EVERYWHERE -- all over the floor, all over the cabinets, the walls, the fridge.... and worst of all, ME. I was freaking drenched in soda. My outfit!!!!! I was not a happy camper.

Then my luck I suppose turned for the better, as I happened to bring my gym bag "just in case" I decided to stop at the gym today on my way home (this was supposed to be my one day off from going this week). I ran to the car and got some clothes to change into. We also have tenants on the very top floor and in the basement apartment, so there's a washer/dryer in the basement. In between meetings, rushes to get out, before we all left for the game, I was able to wash my clothes and put my outfit back on. Woooohhooooooo! It was a great time. There's this one guy on the Beavers who's totally hot - I think I'm in love. Check out this fine piece of man:

Yes, so he's married with 4 or 5 adorable kids, but a girl can dream, can't she? :op (I wonder if he has a brother ;o))

*************************

What's with this stupid-ass school zone law, where in some school zones you have to do the requisite 20 miles per hour 24/7/365?? I mean, is that really necessary? WTF?? I just don't get why, now, during the summer WHEN SCHOOL IS CLOSED, I am still required to go 20 mph through the school zone? THERE ARE NO KIDS THERE! Someone, please explain how this is keeping kids safe. Is this a national thing, or are people here just a tad paranoid???

What's your take, does this do any good whatsofrickinever???

*************************

I just called Comcast for the THIRD time to schedule the cable and internet transfer for my move to the new apartment later this month. I called for the third time because I kept forgetting to ask this or that, so I had to call back. Boy am I glad I did, third time's the charm!! This lady was AWESOME. She looked at everything I had schedule, all the services I had (which is pretty much EVERYTHING, you should see my bill each month), and said "Well, you don't have any deals here, and I can get you TONS OF DEALS, let me just see here... $10 off the cable for the rest of the year, $20 off the internet for 3 months, and something else off something else...." - I love it!!! I didn't have to upgrade or buy anything else, all she did was cut and cut and cut the price.... props to the lady at Comcast!

**************************

Has anyone seen the show on Fox, Wednesday nights, called The Inside? This show is awesome. Well, if you like shows about murder, intrigue and serial killings :op It's kind of a cross between Silence of the Lambs, CSI and NYPD Blue. Really excellent show.

**************************

Here are some pics from my hike at Multnomah Falls this weekend:

You've already won!!!

2005-07-05T10:47:00.000-07:00

I was opening my boss' mail one day last week, and in the stack was something from American Express, advising him that he's been given a Super Million Dollar Prize Entry number and, if his number matches the winning preselected number, he'll be a new millionaire! Ain't that grand?

How many of these stupid-ass things do you get in the mail? I admit, when I was a very stupid and impressionable young lady, I'd get these things in the mail and think I actually either had already won or could possibly win a bazillion dollars. I should retroactively smack myself. How many of the people who receive these actually believe there IS a contest and that they CAN win, and then order magazines or whatever the fuck they're selling, to increase they're 'chances of winning'?

*********************

Well, my exciting (ok, not so exciting) has almost come to a close. Got to leave work early on Friday cuz of a doctor's appt (no, REALLY!). I really like the doctor I have, she's awesome. So, she comes in to the little room they stuff you into, and she's looking about 5-6 months preggo. I hadn't been in 6 months, so I was obviously a little suprised. She best push that bugger out and come right the fuck back to work, because I finally found a doctor I like!! They're like hairdressers - once you find one you actually like, you old on for dear freaking life. The appt was just to get my BP checked (it started coming up high about a year ago, and I've been taking medicine - the beginning of the end, LOL).

My roommates were doin their own thing, and I just did mine. I went to see Batman Begins on Saturday afternoon - really great movie, I loved it! And I'm not a big fan of these superhero movies. But, it was well done and I'm glad I saw it. Everyone I know (or whose blog I read) raved about the movie, so I figured why not. The guy played Batman IS hot yummmmmmmmmmm.

Got home, and watched the end of Live8 - seeing Pink Floyd perform, especially Comfortably Numb, absolutely blew me away. Gave me chills. I would have loved to been home in Philly to see the show there!

Sunday I went to
Multnomah Falls and did some hiking and admiring the incredible views. I'd forgotten how utterly gorgeous this state really is. It's a completely uphill hike, up a mostly paved path, but there's no railings and about half way up the height started to freak me out so I started back down. It was mobbed, too many people on that little paved trail. Someone trips and knocks you the wrong way.... you're dead. Splat. Mountain pizza. I'll post some pics tomorrow or Wednesday.

I got home and went to the pool, since it was SUNNY AND HOT! I stayed about oh, 3 hours, and got some serious tan. I burned some too, so that would be end of my sunbathing for this weekend. But, it was a good time. Didn't do a whole lot that night.... I was pretty beat.

Today I got up, went to the gym and then headed over to see yet another movie, War of the Worlds. The effects were incredible, I really liked it. Kind of a cross between Signs and Terminator. Good flick. I tried not to think about Tom Cruise too much, ya know, self-preservation :op And thank God, I didn't have to sit through one single animal dying :)

I'm tryin to not spend a whole lotta money, since I'm moving in 3 weeks. We have an office "field trip" this week - Beavers game (San Diego's AAA team), my boss rented out one of the field boxes, always a good time. Friday night's the Alanis Morrisette concert, and Saturday I might be dog/house sitting for a week, which means MORE MONEY!

How was all of your weekends???

The weather this weekend was absolutely gorgeous, FINALLY!!

************************

So I get into work to find about a bazillion emails from our IT tech about all these classes I, along with some of the attorneys, have to take for our installation of ProLaw, which means I have to shift around everything else to accommodate this. I knew it was coming, just wasn't in the mood to deal with it full-force the morning after a 3-day weekend!

There are 2 large dogs running around the office causing mayhem - Gen, the Portland bufflesister, and Hanna, a golden retriever. Stuff WILL get eaten and/or broken, most likely much of both, today.

I hardly slept at ALL last night, I dragged my ass to the gym first thing this morning, before work, so I got here running on empty as it was, now all this? Where's the scotch!!!! :op

Not to mention, I just opened a pleadings binder to find several dead ant bodies nestled inside.... I think I need to run, now, and get out while I can!!! :o)

**UPDATE: Gen got into one of my boss' offices and got one of his shoes, so I finally managed to get the shoe back (wasn't easy let me tell you :op), so I threw the shoe back in his office and shut the door..... well, it um kinda locked! :op

One of the dogs just shed about 2 gallons of pee all over one of the very expensive oriental rugs... guess who just spent 1/2 hour cleaning that up? Everyone went out to lunch and apparently I'm on doggie duty (not to mention answering the phones and the front door) until someone comes back.

And, to top it all off....... I had two pieces of leftover pizza for lunch (what else? lol), I ran to go copy something real quick (shoulda known better, shoulda known better, I bet you can tell where this is going), came back and my last piece was GONE. Did I mention I'm soooooooooo getting drunk tonight? :op

Prepare or shelter?

2005-07-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

First off, let me start by saying that I don't have kids. Where I'm coming from on this topic is based upon my experiences growing up. Therefore, this may be a bit jaded, but it's how I feel right now.

My parents are southern. My dad's from a little town in Alabama and my mom's from a slightly smaller little town in Mississippi. My dad came from VERY humble beginnings; his parents died when he was young, and many of the parental responsibilities fell upon him, to take care of his 3 younger brothers and sisters. When his parents were alive, they were prejudice and abusive (well his dad mostly, not his mom).

I am astounded at the man and father he became, given those circumstances. I honestly don't know a lot about his young adult life, but my dad grew from those beginnings into a proper, eloquent, articulate southern gentleman. He had a long professional career in a big corporation, and retired early because of health reasons. My mom was a stay at home mom until my dad was forced to retire; while we were a basically comfortable, middle class family, my mom decided to go back to work and bring in the bacon.

Anyway - my parents, raising me in Philadelphia (my dad's job transferred him when I was just a baby from Virginia to the Philly suburbs), seemed like aliens to me. They had southern accents of course, and were very different from other parents (not to mention older, they were in their 30's when I was born). They were very loving and caring, but also very sheltering and protective. I watched Little House on the Prarie, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, even Donny & Marie. I was never told about the bad things that happened in the world, or how to protect myself when I became an adult. Maybe that was also a product of the times (I was born in 1968, raised in the 70's and 80's), but I think a lot of it was just their proper southern backgrounds and wanting to protect me from being hurt. Southerners, as some of you probably know, are and were more so in those days very proper, and didn't talk about unsightly, unpleasant things. We went to church, we didn't have intense parents-to-children talks, I was good in school, and didn't ask too many questions. We didn't have the "sex" talk, the "drugs" talk, hell even the "rock & roll" talk! :op Everything I learned, I learned from TV, magazines and my friends.

When I turned toward the teen years is when I started getting into 'trouble.' I started smoking when I was 13 or 14, and began falling in "with the wrong crowd." Now back then, it wasn't as big a deal as it is today. You could still roam around your neighborhood at night, after dark, without your parents calling the FBI and issuing an amber alert. At least in my neighborhood, anyway. Today, that's just not happening. You have to be guarded and always expect the worst. Anyone could be a killer, rapist, or kidnapper.

Of course, I'd push it to the limit, as I learned to do (and do very well) as a defiant teenager. The problem was, I didn't know shit about sex, about drugs or drinking, or about the potential dangers I was suseptible to as a young woman. I didn't know how to stand up for myself.

I don't know if it was my parents' fault, or just my own bubble I put myself in, but I most definitely was not prepared for what lurks out there in the REAL WORLD. In a lot of ways I'm astounded I'm actually still alive today. I took a LOT of risks as a young girl, did a lot of stupid things (see my past post about getting through in the Wildwood, NJ jail :op) and I've been lucky, in that nothing really bad has ever happened to me.

My dilema is this: should you prepare your young pre-teen about the dangers of today's society, talking to them about what could happen, about how bad people do exist and will pray on you, especially through the anonymous setting of cyberspace.... or, do you just concentrate on the good things and hope they'll steer clear and/or be 'protected' from the bad things out there?

Guns, for instance. Do you tell your kids about guns, about the dangers of guns, about what guns are for and what they do? Or do you just pretend they don't exist and hope your child never finds one, picks it up wondering what it is, and shoots himself or someone with him?

Drugs - do you tell your kids what drugs are, what they do (also of course having to handle the question of "well did YOU ever do this when you were young, mom & dad"? Or do you just pretend they don't exist, and let your kid potentially get busted or worse, overdose and die?

I'm just curious about your opinions - there are parents and singles out there... I know no one wants to alert their little kids to the dangers of the world - but is knowing worse than now knowing????????

Pickin' the bones

2005-06-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

First:
Why are people who work in fast food restaurants FUCKIN' MORONS???!!! It's not rocket science people. Doesn't require a lot of thought. Just tell me one thing, oh drive through window dude: why can't you get one fuckin' burger right? WHY!?! Do you not like me? Do you look at me, talking into a menu board in your little TV monitor, deciding I am the one you'll fuck with today? I guess I ask for it, really. I'm one of those weirdos that likes their cheeseburgers PLAIN. Bun, burger, cheese, bun. Nothing else (and well done too, but even get me started on that). There is just too much potential for disaster here, no? With all those little extras that most people find yummy and necessary to complete the perfect fast food burger, there's just too many ways they can screw it up. You'd think, however, that they'd LOVE ME, and not just because I'm cute! It's less work for them, right? No having to squirt the ketchup and mustard bottles in a simultaneous burst of color, no bending over to replenish the pickle chips container from the giganto bucket they were born in, no onions, no lettuce, no secret sauce even. It's easy, for both of us! Not only should they not screw it up, they should give me a mothafuckin discount for asking for less stuff on it! I swear, out of 10 times, they get it right maybe three times. And it doesn't matter which fast food place you go to - they all obviously dip into the same pool or moron teenagers for their employees. I rarely get fast food anymore, but this has happened to me my entire life - is there a support group for this? Hell, there's probably a mazaginze for it!

SECOND:
What's with cops that turn on their lights, and even sirens, for no reason? Do the REALLY need to get through the intersection that much faster? I mean, is the donut shop about to close, or run out of donuts? Today on my way home I'm driving down a 4 lane road (2 lanes each direction) - I'm in the left-hand lane, and this cop car comes into view, barreling down the road coming toard me, with it's lights on. I think, holy shit there must be somethin big goin' down, so I respectfully throw my turn signal on and quickly get over into the right-hand lane, to give the cop room to get where he needed to go and save the world, or at least Portland. So he zooms by and after a few seconds I look in my rear-view mirror, and HE TURNS OFF HIS LIGHTS and goes on about his merry way. WHAT THE FUCK? Did he get a call to rush to a burning house and save an old lady hanging out of the second floor window, only to get a second call saying "never mind, she fell, she's dead, go have a donut"?